Today, I took a fall on the ice. I have been super careful for the last week and when the Oklahoma blizzard of 2011 was at its peak with a foot of snow and ice covering everything, I managed not to even wobble. Today, it was 56 degrees and since it was warm the two day before that, most of the ice and snow have melted. Still I managed to find a spot of ice about 2 “ by 4 “ to step on and fall face first onto the cement sending my Subway 32 oz Diet Dr. Pepper flying. My friend Jerri, to her credit did not laugh and showed genuine concern, helping me up and even going back into the Subway to refill my drink while I sat on the curb and examined my body parts. Most of the impact was absorbed by my knee and my forearm. I managed to add a little twist to the fall as well and believe my right side chest muscles and my neck also took a little hit. To further add to the aggravation and humiliation of the fall, the only reason I walked across the street to get a drink from Subway anyway is because I put one of those pedometer things on my waist this morning, determined to hit 10,000 steps. So at lunch when my pedometer showed a pitiful 522 steps I had taken in the 4 hours I had been at work I thought I’d up the count by walking across the street and back. Just my luck. Now I’m too sore to walk anywhere.
So I post about my fall on facebook and my sister comments haha, not laughing that you got hurt but you do seem to fall a lot and reminded me of my cemetary fall the last time I visited Kingfisher. We had gone to the Kingfisher Cemetary to place flowers on my mom’s grave. I’m walking along the sidewalk back to the car talking up a storm and all of the sudden I trip over nothing and fall flat down on a grave. My niece burst into laughter immediately because I think she thought I did it on purpose funny aunt that I am. My sister asked if I was ok and then laughed hysterically. I have no idea what I tripped on. Air maybe? I was just glad I didn’t hit my head on the tombstone of the grave I fell on and kill myself. That would probably make the newspaper there. Headline news. Women dies at the Kingfisher Cemetary. Would be just my luck. Kinda funny really.
Then, as I’m tripping (no pun intended ) down memory lane about that fall, I remember what had to be the most embarrassing fall of my life. I was working for a marketing company and one of my jobs was to fly around the country and meet with executives for whom we were about to start a big re-set project in a Walmart, Lowes, etc. So here I am in the middle of winter in Bismark ND with a business suit, heels and panty hose on, no winter coat because it was warm in Oklahoma and I just wasn’t thinking, arrive at my hotel and check in. I step onto the elevator with 2 very nice looking businessmen. They ask simply, “where are you from?” and I launch into my life history (because that’s what I do.) As I’m rattling on about nothing one of the guys keeps trying to interrupt me to say something but I am in full entertainment mode by then telling some funny story about the airport. Next thing I know the door behind me, not the one I entered from, opens (who the heck knew there were 2 sided elevators) and I fell out backwards, overnight case flying one way and my purse flying the other. The overnight case stayed closed. My purse did not and candy bars, keys, my wallet, makeup all scattered. I remember clearly the site of a tampon rolling down the hallway. The business men (who to their credit didn’t laugh) helped me up. I’m sorry the one who had tried in vain to interrupt me said…I was trying to tell you that the door behind you would open when you got to your floor. They helped me gather my purse contents and I fled to my room in total humiliation. Thankful that I would never have to see these men again.
The next morning, I dress for the big meeting and the hotel operator rings my room that my ride is there. I go down to the lobby and lo and behold the 2 men from then night before, representatives of Kiwi Shoe Polish, greet me. I half expected them to say..oh not, not her again but they didn’t. As if that wasn’t enough we drive to another location and they decide we are going to have breakfast before the presentation I am to do. I order pancakes and coffee. They haven’t mentioned the night before but it is definitely the elephant in the room. I am so embarrassed I can barely function. The waitress brings our coffee and shortly thereafter our food. By this time I have gotten over the night before and have launched into another story. If you think things can’t get any worse , you have not been around me much. Distracted, I pick up my coffee instead of the little glass pitcher of syrup and pour it on my pancakes while the men watch with a shocked look on their face. Then they burst into laughter, apologizing for laughing, then laughing harder, then get choked they are laughing so hard and finally one of them said……are you always this entertaining?
The rest of the day passed without incident and I made my presentation with a straight face and businesslike manner. I figured that when I got back the men would have called my company and asked who the bozo they sent to Bismarck was. Instead when I returned home, the President of the Company called and congratulated me on my “success” Seemed they liked me so much that we got several more stores out of the deal. Mr. Douglas said “I don’t know what you did to make such a good impression but they sure enjoyed meeting you.”
When I was just out of high school I went to work at the Ford dealership in Stillwater. One of my responsibilities was to take the deposit across the street to the bank each afternoon. I can’t remember the circumstances clearly but I think I had been sick with pneumonia the week before and just back to work after having been off sick. All I remember is walking out the door with a bank bag containing thousands of dollars, saying I’ll be back. I stood waiting for the “Walk” sign to cross the street. I remember feeling a little dizzy as I waited. That’s all I remember. Next thing I know traffic is at a complete stop all around me, my boss who had witnessed my fall from his window and several concerned motorist were lifting me up off the middle of the Main St. and Hwy 51 intersection. Apparently, I had passed out while walking across the street. It could have been much worse. Fortunately, no photographers were around. I can see the headlines. Headline: Woman passes out and is run over by a car . Thieves escape with bank bag
Come to think of it my son Chris got an early introduction to my clumsiness. I was 8 months pregnant and wearing one of those smock top things that have pockets in the front. I’m walking across the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly with my hands in the pockets and I trip. My 8 month pregnant belly hits first and I swear I bounced back up just like if you fell on a giant beach ball. Several customers come running to help me and after a very convincing argument that I am indeed ok, they let me go back to my car and drive away. I call Mike at work and he insists that I drive to the hospital to be checked out. He’s worried that I might have hurt the baby. I drive to the hospital and they put me and my belly on heart monitors and all turns out to be ok. Could’ve been worse. Headline: Woman goes into labor and delivers baby in Piggly Wiggly parking lot.
Suddenly, memories coming flooding back to me. It makes sense now that my mom sometimes called me Grace. I just thought she’d forgotten my name. After all there were 5 of us kids in 10 years. I remember being chosen last for games at recess. I remember one choir concert when I was in 3rd grade where not only did I fall but I knocked the two kids in front of me on the bleachers to the ground with me. And I really did fall in Yoga class causing several others to lose their balance…the downward dog pile. I remember falling as I got onto the ski lift in Winterpark, CO the first time I skied knocking the man in front of me down as I fell. I remember someone grabbing my shirt to keep me from falling into Old Faithful on a trip to Yellowstone Park….now they have fences.
I’ve always wanted to visit the Grand Canyon but suddenly I am thinking that might not be a good idea. In fact, next time you are around me you may want to keep a safe distance. Never know when I might topple. I’d hate for you to get hurt.
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