Today is my beautiful niece Jenna’s birthday. Jenna is a single mom of two absolutely adorable boys. She works full time, goes to school at night and still finds time to be an incredible mom to the boys. I cannot say enough about the respect I have for single moms out there, or single dads if that be the case. To be the full time parent w/o a partner is a daunting task.
While I never had to be a single parent because even after the divorce, Mike was a very hands on dad and though the boys lived full time with me, we worked together to ensure we carried an equal load on decisions. There was never at time that I called on him for help with a doctor appt. or sick child, or school function that he was not more than willing to be there. But early on in our marriage, when the boys were 3 and 18 months Mike traveled a lot for his job, sometimes being gone for 6 weeks at a time.
I remember crying myself to sleep sometimes at night because the stress of 2 small kids, a job and keeping the house running on my own was overwhelming. That was without any financial difficulties. Most single moms I know, like Jenna are working full time to try to make end meet and there is never enough money for the essentials, let alone any extra.
Jenna is fortunate in that her parents are very hands on grandparents and help her with her kids as much as possible. She has family close by for emergencies. Still, the brunt of the load, the day to day decisions fall to her.
It seems to be getting more and more prevalent in our society that there is one parent raising their kids alone. Its heartbreaking to me to see so many young women and men on their own raising kids because the morals and values of our society have changed so dramatically over the years. Many marriages are entered into without much thought, divorce is an easy option when the going gets rough. Parents walk away, battle to keep from paying child support for the children they created, put their own needs first. I have several friends that are my age, in their 50’s who are raising their grandkids because the parents have simply opted out. Can’t handle the pressure of raising children. And so they walk away, leaving someone else to pick up the pieces.
For those who hang in there and prioritize their kids, like my niece I say a big hats off to you. You are going to reap the rewards. When your children grow up and talk about how much they love you, and how you never let them down, how you sacrificed so that they would have more, you will look back and say, Yes, as hard as it was…it was worth it.
I hope my niece finds time for herself sometimes this week in the chaos of her life to just sit back and relax and reflect on what an amazing person she really is. Proof of that is in the smiles of those little boys when they light up to see her. There is no substitute for love.
Many years ago I wrote this poem when Mike was traveling and I had two young boys to contend with on my own. I dedicate it to you Jenna and to all the single, harried parents out there. You are awesome!
A Day in the Life
Alarm goes off, I hit the deck, The morning has begun
The chaos starts the moment that I wake my sleeping sons
They stumble to the table and they fight over the seats
I pour them juice to stall them, they demand something to eat
The coffeemaker groans abuse, cleaning instructions never used
The toaster pops us burned up bread, I pop in waffles in its stead
I give in quickly to the plea, to turn the cartoons on tv
A bite of waffle hits the floor, I guess that’s what my mop is for
I quickly clean the sticky goo and start to hunt the missing shoe
And then I try to find my keys, these things are everyday routines
The shoes that never seem to fit, the jeans that never want to zip
Their socks have holes not there before, their shirts have shrunk
Their jackets torn
I wipe the syrup from a face, the clock and I have had our race
The morning pace has left me stressed, How I look forward to my desk
But first to school to drop a child, his shirt untucked, his hair unstyled
A sitter stop, a hug goodbye, Thank God today he didn’t cry
Arrive a work, and take a seat
My desk piled high, but stacked real neat
I take a paper from the stack
My work’s begun, I can relax.
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