Anger management

Today was a much better day than yesterday…my blow out has been postponed.  Amazing what a 5 mile walk can do to work out some aggression and frustration.  Lots of times when I walk I pray as I walk, about anyone and everything that comes to mind.  Other times I listen to my ipod and usually sing really loud along with it,which seems to amuse the other walkers.  Last night, I cuss walked.  Under my breath though so as not to scare any little children I might pass along the way. LOL

It’s a rare thing to see me mad.  My children will attest to the fact that if I ever got mad, they knew to take cover.  I would sometimes let something that really bothered me build and build and build…like when they didn’t feed the dogs or clean the guinea pig cage, or threw their dirty clothes just inches from the bin and didn’t bother to correct that.  But even then my anger would usually not be directed at them but at the world at large. About once a year when my frustration built to overflow level I would make a MOM ON STRIKE poster and stick it to their doors.  The poster listed the things I would no longer be responsible for.  When the boys saw this go up, they knew they better lie low for a few days…and do the things on the list. 

And even when I am really mad, its rare that I cuss.  I  joked in my status last night that I hold the record for the longest sentence of consecutive cuss words spoken without taking a breath.  Not something I’m proud of.  Not that there is anything wrong with getting mad.  I think its more what you do or say when you’re mad that is the problem.  Most of the time I let things roll right off me.  I may stew on them silently for days but I usually find a way to “forgive” the offense , sometimes without the person or situation that caused my anger even knowing.

Not the case at the Cattleman’s Motel, Kingfisher 1989.  We had arrived in town for my sisters rehearsel dinner and wedding.  I was already mad because my sister had decided that no one could stay at my parents house because she didn’t want kids underfoot and being a young mom I felt very insulted that someone might think my kids would be a nuisance.  So we had rented a motel room at what was at the time the only motel in Kingfisher.   We arrived in town, checked in and went to our room.  It was not a 4 star hotel but you have certain expectations when you check in somewhere, namely that the room is clean.  This one wasn’t.  There were  cigarette butts in the ashtray of our “non-smoking” room and when I went to take a quick shower  there were hairs in the drain.  I went to the front desk to ask the clerk to switch rooms.  Now, a reasonable motel clerk would have said, “I’m so sorry, let me get you into another room.”  Not this one.  She had , she informed me, cleaned that room herself and there was no way it had butts or hairs in it.  “I stayed calm…..until she insisted that I was being unreasonable and couldn’t I just empty the ashtray and wash the hairs on down the drain.”  No, I said, I want another room.  “We don’t have any available she said.  “There is no one else here I said.  Well there might be later.  Well there isn’t now.  Give them the smoky dirty room.  ….this went on for like 10 minutes.  As she became more and more stubborn I became louder and louder.  Eventually, my calm demeaner gave way to an outright scream fest.    As I left, I told her that we were going to my moms for a little while and that when we returned I knew that being a reasonable person she would have come to her senses and changed our room.  No such luck.  We returned a couple hours later to find our suitcases on the sidewalk in front of our room.  What happened after that I have little recollection of.  What I do remember is  ranting and raving at this 80 year old motel clerk until she threatened to call the police, told me I was not welcome in her motel EVER and that meant FOREVER and locked the door behind me as she pushed me out into the parking lot.  I think I could’ve taken her really.  But I got in the car. And we had to drive to El Reno to find somewhere to stay. 

Everything was fine for a couple of years.  The little annoyances of life had been sufficiently stuffed down somewhere inside me.  I was calm, cool, cuss free.  Then we decided to take a mini vacation to Dallas.  We flew into DFW airport and took a shuttle to the Hertz rent a car terminal where we had rented a “non smoking vehicle”.  We carried our suitcases to the car, got inside, saw that the floor mats were dirty and the ashtray full of cigarette butts.  The car obviously had not been cleaned.  Since we had ridden a little mini bus out to the lot with the cars, there was no one to tell.  Mike suggested we simply drive the car back around to the  building where we rented it and ask for a different car.  This seemed reasonable.  I was not mad…Anyone can make a mistake.  Getting back to the rent a car counter at DFW airport is not an easy thing to do.  Half hour later we made it back.  I went inside, calmly expecting to say “our car hasn’t been cleaned and we would like to get a different one.”  Actually, that is what I said.  “We don’t have any other cars available”, the clerk said.  I said, admittedly somewhat sarcastically, there are like 100 cars in your parking lot. “  She said “those are rented”.  Well then you need to clean the one we are in.  She said "Our cleaning crew is not here until tomorrow.  "Then we need you to give us one of the other cars that are EXACTLY like this one and then the cleaning crew can come in tomorrow, clean this one and you can rent it to the person who rented one EXACTLY like ours.  I can’t do that ma’am she said.  You’ll just have to make do.  MAKE DO?  MAKE DO?     Just return our money, we will go to another car rental place.  The clerk agreed.   I stood waiting while she typed in a bunch of stuff into her computer, handed over a slip with a credit of the amount we had paid less $1.35which was marked “gas”.  Why 1.35? I asked.  We didn’t drive anywhere.  Yes you did she said, you drove back here to the counter.  TO RETURN A DIRTY CAR, I said.  We have a minimum gas fee we charge to refill the tank if you don’t refill it when you return it.  IF YOU THINK I’M PAYING $1.35 to return a car that should have been cleaned and wasn’t you are freaking (ok I said the real word) nuts I said.  Its just $1.35 LeeAnn, not worth getting upset over.  I gave him “the look” and he backed off.  WE ARE NOT PAYING YOU $1.35 I said.  I want the credit slip redone for the full amount.  I can’t do that ma’am she said.  What happened after that I have little recollection of..What I do remember is a supervisor coming out of her office, digging in her purse and handing me $1.35.  Certainly, those few times I have lost control of my temper, and my language skills, do not mean I need anger management classes, right?

The Domino Pizza manager in Muskogee might disagree.  I can’t remember the whole story on that one except that my medium vegetable pizza was gonna cost like $23 or something ridiculous.  Apparently they charge per vegetable.  I believe I told him to stuff his vegetables where the sun don’t shine.  And him telling me I was officially on their DO NOT DELIVER TO list now.  Probably reserved for scary neighborhoods and known criminal's homes.  And women who only get mad once every 2-3 years.

I think to be 52 and only have 3 significant “I lost it bigtime” events, ok, maybe 4 or 5 in all this time is a pretty good record.  That one I can be proud of right?  Right?  You might want to agree with me on this.  I’m lonnnnnnnnnngggg overdue a good blow out.  If it happens, cover the ears of any nearby children or sensitive adults and when I start to cry, you know its safe to speak to me again.  LOL