Riches

I think I’ve blogged before about the simple things being the most important things in life.  And that sometimes less is more.  That’s the mindset I have been in for the last year or so.  Last New Year’s day, as I sat and reflected on my life and decided to make some changes, one of those changes was to live more simply.  Acquire less “stuff”, in fact, get rid of some of the stuff that clutters my life and weighs me down. 

Some of those things were tangible. I was amazed when I began to clean out cabinets and closets how much stuff I had accumulated over the years.  When I moved into my house 10 years ago, I had done a pretty thorough clean out of the junk.  I think I gave Amvets a truckload of used small appliances, ones that worked perfectly fine but that I had replaced with newer versions.  Mismatched dishes and glassware, extra sets of silverware,  linens for bed sizes that I don’t even have.  It felt good to get rid of things, especially since those things could be used by someone else. 

The clothing I held on to because one of my mindsets was to get healthy and thus I knew that I would be losing weight and be able to fit back into clothes I hadn’t worn in a while.  That paid off. When I cleaned out my closet last week, it was like getting a whole new wardrobe.  All the clothing that was too big I bagged up and donated.  No way I am gonna “grow” back into those things.

  The office was my next project and I made good use of the secured shred bin at work that we have picked up weekly.  Most any bill that I might need I can now go online and find.  No need to keep electric bill and water bills and etc from years past, even months past for that matter.  I kept one year and the rest will be shredded.

Other things weren’t tangible.  Like cleaning out the mindset that eating whatever I wanted and not exercising was ok.  I realized that no one is going to take care of my health but me.  And working in Hospice,I realize the importance of taking care of yourself.  Daily as we admit people to our service that have developed diseases, some unexpected and some not…like lung cancer for a lifelong smoker or cirosis of the liver for a heavy drinker, I realize just how fragile our health is and anything we can do to keep illness and sickness at bay is a good thing and ultimately up to us. 

Or giving up things that really weren’t important to me that I just did out of obligation.  I’ve learned to say no and not feel guilty about it.  I’ve learned that I don’t have to say yes just because someone asks.

In our “got to have it now” society, we sometimes don’t appreciate what we have now. And sometimes, we don’t appreciate the things that are before us because we are so focused on the future instead of the present. 

It would have been much easier and simpler had there been a magic wand I could wave and say 40 pounds begone.  But what I learned along the way would have been lost.  Instead I struggled and I messed up and I got back on track and each time that I did that I learned something about myself.  I learned along the way to appreciate how good it feels to eat the right things.  How good it felt to get on the scale and be able to see some progress.  How nice it felt not to have to lay down on the bed to zip my pants.  My quest to eat healthy led me to reading labels and finding ways to cut down on carbs.  I discovered new ways to prepare food that  tasted much the same but without the sugar and salt and other things that are not good for you.

I learned empathy for people with health conditions that dictate what they can and cannot eat.  I began to enjoy the journey and appreciate the daily accomplishments.  I began to break through my self imposed prison of self loathing and realize that people loved me for me, not for what I look like or what I wear or what I own or what I drive.  

I began to realize that what mattered to me was not the monetary value of the gift I give someone, but the heart behind it.  I began to see that my words and actions meant a whole lot more than things.  Slowly but surely, I began to see the world a little differently.  The adage there are some things that money can’t buy began to really make sense.  Money can’t buy love, or friendship, or health.  Food can’t heal wounds, or make rejection easier to bear or cause money problems to disappear.

Once when Andy was in high school he asked if I would rather have a job I loved that I didn’t make a lot of money doing, or a job I didn’t like but that I made a lot of money at.   I told him the former without hesitation.   Had you asked me that 20 years ago my answer probably would have been different.  But I’ve had the things, the new cars, the nice homes, the trips, the new clothes, the freedom that comes with having money and honestly it didn’t make me happy.  Even struggling to get by sometimes as I do now, I think I’m happier because I am so much more appreciative of what I have.  I don’t take anything for granted.

I was listening to a book on tape the other day and one of the “lines” that one of the characters spoke was that  “ The greatest sin is letting riches go to waste once you know they are riches ..Most people don’t know what they have. They define riches by what they can see, the end of things, the destination.  But riches are in the process, in the journey, in what one does with what one has, not in what one manages to amass.

I may not have a new car or a new home or a new boat or the nicest clothes and jewelry . I haven’t had a real vacation in several years.  Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say “Calgon, take me away” when yet another budget buster event occurs every time I think I might get ahead a little.  What I haven’t done is appreciate the riches,  the valuable lesson learned each time I manage to overcome an obstacle. 

I remember when I went back to school many years ago to complete my degree. It was something that I had wanted to do for no other reason than to prove I could do it for the most part.  At the time the goal was a degree and the motivation was to get it as fast as possible no matter what. I made the sacrifices. I went through the classes, made the grades and eventually walked across the stage to get that degree.  When I look back now I realize I was so focused on the end result and getting there as quickly as possible, that I didn’t really enjoy the journey. 

Every Christmas day for as far back as I can remember I spend the day feeling guilty about the overindulgences……..from  the overeating to the overspending.  The true meaning is lost in frantic, commercialized pursuit of the perfect Christmas.   Not this year…The last year as taught me so much in terms of what is important and what is not.  My health is a lot more important than those extra pieces of pie I shouldn’t be eating anyway as a diabetic.  The presents may be fewer but the people who I normally overindulge on will love me anyway.    This year I plan to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and enjoy the simple pleasures of this time of year like just being with family and friends.  I will enjoy spending Christmas this year with a man that I love and that loves me unconditionally.   For me gratitude is an attitude that I want to aspire to regardless of my circumstances.  

I want to take time to appreciate the beauty of life.  The true meaning of Christmas.  The satisfaction of knowing that my heart is in the right place.  The things that money cannot buy. 

Happy Thanksgiving!