And I won't back down....ok yes I will

Sometimes I think before I speak and it gets me into trouble. Even though I would never speak words intended to hurt someone, I guess that sometimes I will say something without filtering it through what they will “hear” and what I actually mean. Several times my blog has gotten me into trouble because the intent of my words was misconstrued; or in several cases, someone thought I was referring to them when I wasn’t and took my words as an attack on them personally instead of a general opinion of a situation. I wonder if I should have a disclaimer at times like they have sometimes where it says, similarities between the person or situation mentioned in this blog and the actual person or situation that it refers to are not intended.

For what its worth, if I have hurt someone’s feeling unknowingly with my written words, then I am sorry. My intent is not to criticize, demean, or speak negatively of anyone in particularly. Sometimes circumstances do get my ire up, or get me thinking and expressing my feelings about a particular issue, like negativity in the workplace ……..unless I specifically mention your name, please assume that even if the situation I am blogging about feels like I am “speaking directly to you”, then I’m not.

A friend of mine and I were talking a few months ago about Church and she said there was this one Church in Muskogee that she would never go back to because the minister had called her out. When I asked what she meant by that, she said that she had spoken to the minister a few days before the Sunday service about a problem she was having with a co-worker that was stressing her out to the point that she was ready to quit a really good job. He told her that sometimes you have to pray for your enemies and do your best to not take things so personally and “just get along” with people. When he told her that directly, she wholeheartedly agreed with his advice. A few days later, on Sunday, his sermon was about the subject of forgiveness. She was totally convinced that he was speaking directly to her and she didn’t like that one bit. So she never went back. I’m sure the minister didn’t plan his sermon to chastise her for being unforgiving of her co-worker. But that is how she perceived it. I wonder how many other ministers have inadvertenly offended and lost a member because they happened to preach on a subject too close to home. 

Imagine what a boring place the world would be if everyone thought alike. If everyone had the exact same life experiences. If everyone felt persecuted and misunderstood because someone else’s opinion wasn’t the same as theirs. Everyone has an opinion and everyone is entitled to their opinion. Who is the judge then of what is right and what is wrong.  

I HATE conflict. When someone got offended about a blog I wrote a few weeks ago, it really upsets me even though I know I didn’t intentionally offend. I was even in the frame of mind that I should just not “bog” at all (as my dad calls it). Joe asked me what the purpose of my blog was…was it so people would say “oh you are such a good writer, you really hit the nail on the head” or was it to express my opinion on thing and tell stories about things regardless of if people agreed and liked what I had to say” . Made me think…. I’m leaning toward the former though I hate to admit it…the latter is really what I want to be able to achieve.

I guess in my quest to not take life so seriously, sometimes I don’t filter in the fact that some people take what I say sometimes with a “grain of salt” as a very serious opinion on something. Those of you who know me pretty well have gotten used to my sarcasm, my quirky outtakes etc. I actually think I’ve done a pretty good job at remaining non offensive while poking fun at life in my comedy act.

Well, there was the one Church member who was offended because I used the word “breast” at a fundraiser that he was attending. Of course, he objected to a comedian friend of mine’s use of the term go go dancer at the same event. LOL

Once I was seeing a counselor and he asked me what it was that made me care so much what people thought of me.  Why it bothered me so much when someone didn't like me.  I didn't really have an answer for him.  I don't think it was necessarily about being liked but more about avoiding conflict.  My brothers used to get into huge fights when we were kids.  My parents fought a lot when I was a kid too.  Seems like someone was always fighting in the neighborhood.  I hated that.  I hated when there were disagreements.  I hated being asked to ever choose sides for to choose meant someone was upset with me.  So I think I figured out early on that if I didn't contradict someones opinion, if I just went with the flow, not really getting involved unless it became a necessity that things were much more peaceful. 

I was in a very abusive relationship at one time early in my adulthood.  I learned very quickly to figure out what it was I was supposed to say and do to avoid being abused.  When saying the wrong thing, expressing an opinion contrary to what someone that has a hold on you wants you to say meant being smacked around or called names, you very quickly adjust to that reality and simply "don't rock the boat".  

I worked at a company once where there was a woman that hated me for no apparent reason.  She was hateful and rude and very difficult to be around.  I went out of my way to be nice to her, to try to figure out what I was doing that made her hate me.  I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was about me that she was responding to so negatively.  Finally, I asked her one day after she made a rude remark about me in front of me.  I asked her "what have I done to you to make you dislike me so much?"  She said, "nothing really...I just like to pick on people that are bothered by me picking on them.    It was a defining moment in my life...I realized that sometimes you can do everything right, be the best person you can be, say all the right things and someone, somewhere is gonna hate you anyway. 

I still don't like conflict.  I like to listen to a healthy debate between two people and I admire and respect those who are courageous enough to speak their mind and hold fast to their opinion no matter how unpopular it is.  Those who are willing to stand alone rather than compromise their beliefs.

As for the "offending" blog, I went back and edited out anything in it that might be construed as offensive.  I guess when it comes to keeping the peace I am pretty flexible.  Maybe I should have left it as it was and not care that someone didn't like what I had to say.  I weighed it pretty carefully, decided it wasn' t the "hill I wanted to die on" and  took out the offending paragraph. 

In other words, I wimped out.  Sometimes that just seems to be the path of least resistance.

I'm sure that there will come a time when I won't back down, when something will be  of such great importance to me that I will stand my ground say "to heck with anyone who'se feelings are hurt" and refuse to "compromise" for the sake of keeping the peace. 

Don't hold your breath.  LOL