Whatever!!

It’s so easy to become cynical sometimes. Especially in a political year where a lot of people including myself feel that it doesn’t really matter who gets elected because nothing ever changes.  In the world of politics, it seems like what’s good for the party is more important than what’s good for the country.  And even those politicians who go to Washington with a fresh outlook and determination to put an end to the status quo eventually seem to fizzle out and go with the flow.

If someone does something for someone out of the kindness of their heart, or just because it’s the right thing to do its difficult to accept that that was the only motivation.  What’s the hidden agenda we wonder when someone does something nice? What did they gain from it? 

Recently, my son Chris and his wife Juliet got a new car and instead of selling the old one, or trading it in they gave it to someone they go to Church with who was in need of a car.  They asked nothing in return, had no ulterior motive, and  truly wanted it to be between them and the family they donated it to.  When I asked what they did with the car, they told me.  I was pretty impressed with that act of selflessness.  Because I know my son and his wife, I know they had no ulterior motive other than they feel like God has blessed them and they wanted to “pay it forward”.   I don’t think I would have done the same thing had I been in their shoes.  In fact, I had suggested they donate it so they could get a tax break which is probably what I would have done.

A co-worker got flowers at work the other day.  Everyone jokingly asked what her husband had done that he had to make up for.  She said, nothing he just loves me.  To which most everyone rolled their eyes.  And went back to wondering what they had fought about, really!

A cable salesman stopped by our house last weekend and though his argument was convincing that if I simply signed up for cable for a year free (at which time I could cancel ) I would not only get the free cable but my internet that I already have would be $5 less a month.  I must’ve asked him 10 times what the catch was and though he claimed there wasn’t one, I still was cynical enough to believe that there had to be.  I would guess that he ran into similar resistance at a lot of other homes.  I didn’t sign up.

It’s like those free magazine subscriptions Best Buy talked you into at checkout one year.  All you had to do was call a number to cancel your “free trial” after 3 months and your credit card wouldn’t be charged.  Ok, so I figured I could handle that.  9 months later I was still getting free magazines because of a “glitch “ in the system but was assured they would refund the money being charged to my account for the subscriptions I cancelled that didn’t cancel…..they actually did refund the money but it took them almost a year to remove the charge from my account.  And..they kept saying, well you got 6 extra months free.  Sorry but it wasn’t worth the hassle of worrying that the three 29.99 charges on my credit card would eventually be refunded.  

Even as I sat here typing Joe yelled for me to come and see something.  He is playing a computer game at the moment called Rift and one of the “guild members” told him he could download movies free on this site called 1chanel.com  Absolutely free.  To which I replied, yea I bet ..There it is again, that cynicism.  I came and typed in the site on my computer and before you can “unlock “ the site to get free, free, free movies you have to agree to download a program on your computer (at no charge) etc. etc.  Not happening.  Last time we downloaded a site to get free coupons we ended up getting charged 9.99 on our cell phone bill and I had hassle with ATT and get those removed.  Nope!  No freebies for me.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the culture we live in asks what’s the catch instead of saying thanks for you kindness when someone offers us a hand.  What’s in it for them?  Where down the line am I gonna actually be paying out the wazoo if I let them do this for me. 

Is there a statute of limitations on you owe me because I did this for you?  ………..one of our aides was telling me about a patient that was in her 90’s at a nursing home that was reminding her 70 something year old son who had come to visit her that he owed her place to live at his home because she  had taken him in when he was 42 and unemployed for a week.  Talk about holding a marker for a long time.  30 years later the son was still being reminded about a favor he accepted.  

And I find the cynicism creeps up in other areas of my life. 

There have been so many times that my attitude has been “what difference am I going to make?”  What difference is my $5 contribution going to make in the fight against cancer?  If I sponsor a child in some foreign country for “pennies a day” is it really going to a make a difference.  

When I donate to charity, is the money being used for perks for the administrators.  A few bad apples have done a lot of damage to the legitimate charities of the world that do what they say they are going to do.  It’s the honest charities and people with no ulterior motive that suffer.

What difference is it gonna make if I spay or neuter my dog if everyone else doesn’t?  For every dog saved at the pound, ten other puppies are dumped in the country.  Can I really make a dent in such a huge problem.???

And then I remember a quote I read a long time ago and cut out and stuck in a book that I tape things I’ve read that I like and cartoons that make me laugh and jot down ideas.  

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”  Helen Keller

   We’ve all heard the starfish story but its so good its worth repeating:

THE STARFISH STORY

(Based on The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley)

A friend of ours was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew closer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean. As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water. Our friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said "Good evening, Friend. I was wondering what you are doing."

"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."

"I understand," our friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many. And don't you realize it is probably happening on hundreds of other beaches all up and down the coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"

The local native smiled, bent down, and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, it made a difference to that one.

 I looked up the definition of cynical and realize now that it doesn't really fit me. 

What is a cynical person? Cynical people are those who see the glass as half empty and not half full but not only that. These distrustful people also believe that there is a reason the glass is half empty. They believe someone purposely filled it half way for their own personal gain 

I definitely see the glass as half full 99% of the time.  I think I more accurately could be considered skeptical, not cynical because skeptical means  marked by or given to doubt; "a skeptical attitude”. Which I think is a necessity for survival.  In a sue happy society nothing can be left to chance.

Years ago a business deal could be sealed on just a handshake or a man’s word.   There were no need for pre-nups and contracts and legal documents.  If you said I’m leaving my tea set to my niece then when you died the family gave the tea set to your niece.  Nowadays, you need a 30 page document that states your wishes in ten different ways and you still have no assurance that some long lost relative isn’t going to come out of the woodwork to lay claim to the “tea set”. 

There are people who give and give and give never expecting anything in return.  They don’t want recognition or praise.  They simple give of themselves because it’s the right thing to do, for no other reason.  The satisfaction that comes from being a good person.  I know a lot of those people.  Most of the time I am one of those people.  At least I think I am.  

Free doesn’t necessarily have to mean “ulterior motive”  Though I think if you look hard enough you can usually find one, even in the most innocent of circumstances.  Today after my doctor appt Joe drove me around Tulsa and showed me the house he lived in until he was 3 and taken to the children’s home.  He showed me the where the Chidren’s home used to be,  and the buildings that used to house the Tulsa Boys Home where he spent several years.  We passed by a Church in one of the neighborhoods and he pointed out the “cookie Church.”  The Cookie Church was the Church that gave you cookies if you came to Church.   You can imagine the mind set of a 5 year or 6 year old kid….heck yea, I’m gonna go to Church and get a cookie.  Makes me laugh to think of a little boy Joe sitting though a “boring adult” service so he could get a cookie.  Now, I’m sure the Church’s motivation was to bring the kids in for cookies so that maybe their parents would come to Church with them and that’s not a bad thing necessarily.  

 How many of us have worked a Vacation Bible School where kids are dropped off that we have never seen and will probably never see again and not thought, well that parent is just using this for a childcare opportunity.  Cynicism rears its ugly head.  The reason I know that that is what that parent is doing is because there was a time in my life where my brothers and I went to every VBS the neighbors churches had ….not to learn about Jesus but because they had really good snacks and our mom always said yes to an opportunity to get a couple of her 5 kids out of her hair for short periods of time. LOL

I think I’ve mentioned Brian, the young man at Church who is learning disabled.  When I first met Brian he asked me for 50cents to a Dr. Pepper.  Every week after that he came and patiently waited for me to ask if he needed a Dr. Pepper.  The Sunday’s I have missed he always asks why I wasn’t there and then tells me he missed me.  I always think “of course you did, you didn’t get your Dr. Pepper.” There it is again cynisicm.  Which is fine.  I willingly give him the 50 cents each week for no other reason than he expects it and it seems like a nice thing to do.  Our Church does communion on the first Sunday of the month. My friend Cindy who is in the choir also, always goes down for communion from the choir loft but instead of going with the rest of us, she veers off and goes to where Brian is sitting, always alone and says something to him.  He nods and they walk up the aisle together to kneel at  the alter and take communion.  As long as I’ve been in Church and there on Communion Sunday, she has done this.  Last week was communion Sunday and Cindy is not there.  I think to myself, I wonder if Brian will know what to do without her to guide him…maybe I should go get him, no I really don’t want to do that, surely he will do it on his own…I don’t want people to think I’m assisting him to make myself look good, yadadada..This argument lasted in my mind for the 30 seconds it took to get from the loft to the floor. I walked out to where Brian was sitting, leaned over and whispered that Cindy was gone and did he want to go up for communion with me. “ He looked at me for a second and then loudly said “if you will buy me a dr. pepper”  Ok I whispered as people turned to look at us.  “When he demanded loudly….as soon as Church is over, I promise, meet me in the choir room”.  Ok, he agreed happily, got up and there we went, down the aisle to take communion at the alter and I had to smile when he was handed wafer and told “the body of Christ Brian, broken for you” and clapped his hands and said YES!, very enthusiastically.  Oh that we all would exclaim YES when we hear those words and take that wafer. 

Not sure what the point of that story was except that I smile every time I think about it.  Bribery for Jesus.  LOL  I expected nothing in return and got nothing in return except a smile, a funny story about a special young man and it cost me a DOLLAR, cause I didn’t have any changeJ. 

Its ok to question, ok to be skeptical, but never lose sight of the fact that sometimes there is no catch, there is no ulterior motive and sometimes doing good can cause you some embarrassment and cost you a dollar.  

Blessings!    (And I don’t expect to be blessed in return, though that would be nice)…LOL