Several years ago I had the opportunity to attend a Women of Faith conference in Dallas and my favorite of all the speakers was a woman named Thelma Wells. Thelma’s story was one of true courage as she pushed through the barriers of being black, a woman and growing up in a time when these were truly barriers. Aside from her faith, she had a positive attitude. Her “signature” saying was “Bee all you can bee and she had bees as her “symbol”. To show what an impact she had on me, I can still remember what the BEE stood for some 15 years later.
Be Aware of who you are, Eliminate the negative, and Expect the best of yourself and those around you.
I have thought of that often in the last few years. In fact, working at Hope Hospice, our volunteer coordinator in Tahlequah had named her group of hospice volunteers the Bizzy Bees. To say they took it seriously was an understatement. They nominated a Queen Bee each month, one of the volunteers who had done an extraordinary job of helping others and presented her with a crown and scepter which she kept until the next Queen bee was crowned. Sounds a little silly, but it worked.
Yesterday, at the Tulsa Linnaeus Gardens with Joe he pointed out all the bees on one group of flowers and pronounced them to be Wood bees. Ever the smart alec, I pointed out bees on another group of flowers and told him that they were wanna bees. We had a good laugh. And the rest of the day I found myself thinking about bees.
I think for the most part in regard to Thelma’s bee acronym I have done a pretty good job. Being aware of who you are goes much deeper than just knowing your name. What kind of role model are you? What kind of example do you set for those around you? I was sitting at Sonic one day and there was a woman sitting there with 2 small kids. I had my window rolled down and could hear bits and pieces of their conversation while I waited on my drink. The lady was puffing away on a cigarette while the 2 little girls sat playing with their sonic kid meal toys. One of the little girls put a French fry in her mouth and said “look mommy, I’m smoking a cigarette like you”. The mother told her to “shut up and eat your food”. NICE! But I thought what an example you are setting for your children.
When the boys were little I hated it when they got in such bad trouble that Mike and I felt it warranted a spanking. Not gonna debate that with anyone. I was spanked and turned out ok. Mike would carefully explain what they had done that warranted a spanking before he spanked them. I was too tender hearted to do it myself and truth be known I never felt like they did anything that bad that warranted it. I was very much the “wait until your father gets home parent” and sometimes I regret that I wasn’t more supportive of Mike at times. It truly hurt me more to see my kids get a spanking than I think it did them. One day Andy was getting a spanking and I think it was for hitting Chris for no reason. And as Mike was “hitting Andy” as punishment and saying “you can’t just hit people when you want to” it “hit” me (no pun intended) that hitting Andy to punish him for hitting Chris didn’t seem logical. But that’s another blog. LOL
The point is you may not know who is watching you, who you are being a role model too. Never was I more aware of that than one time when I took the boys to the movies. In spite of the sign that said no outside food or drink, I always carried candy to the movies in my purse. I felt like since I bought a drink there and popcorn that should be enough of an expense. Never thought much about it. Until Andy learned to read! I will never forget the day we walked into the theater in Muskogee and Andy loudly read aloud the sign that said “no outside food or drink” and asked what that meant. I told him that it meant you couldn’t bring your own snacks in, that they expected you to buy from the concession stand. And thought that would be the end of it. We went to the concession stand, ordered our usual popcorn and drink to share and when the clerk asked if we would like any candy as I said no thanks, Andy said, no thanks my mom brought our own in her purse. But it’s not outside food because we are inside the theater. The girl just laughed and no one kicked us out or made us put the candy in the trash. But it made a big impression on me. How was I gonna teach my kids about following rules if I made my own loopholes. Andy’s observation has popped in my mind many times over the years and has become somewhat of a benchmark to my “honesty”. Not that I always do the right thing. Last time I went to a theater I took in my own popcorn in my purse….because I reasoned that their popcorn wasn’t as healthy as the popcorn I was taking in (lo fat, no butter, lo carb) and as a diabetic my health was more important than their rules. Truth be known I just didn’t want to pay their ridiculous prices. But for the most part, I do think about my actions before I do something that might be considered fibbing or bending the rules.
As for eliminating the negative, well I have mastered that. My ex husband used to call me a Pollyanna because I was so optimistic that sometimes it spilled over into being unrealistic. I have a pretty good “wall” that I can put in place when I’m around negative people so they don’t rub off on me. And most of the time I succeed in turning a negative comment into something funny or positive. I have eliminated friendships that were too negative, ones that always left me feeling bad when I was around those people. Sometimes it’s a struggle. But those of you who heard me say a few weeks ago when I was laid off and the house sold and I wasn’t sure where we were going to go “we are homeless AND unemployed and I’ve never been happier” understand what I mean when I say I can pretty much be positive in the midst of any circumstance.
Her final point, expecting the best of myself and others I’ve done a fairly good job at. I do expect the best of myself and others. Sometimes, I think I may set my expectations a little too high. I have been known to be pretty critical of myself and to beat myself up on a regular basis for not being “good enough” at something. I am a whole lot harder on me, than I am of others. Some would say I am too easy on some people. That I give too many chances and forgive way too easily. I think of my friends who thought I was crazy for even continue to talk to the guy who told me “I just don’t think you are attractive” and then apologized by saying “I mean you are okay looking but I usually date really attractive women” were probably right. And I did hang up on the guy who left me stranded at Los Cabos when he called a week or so later and acted as if nothing had ever happened. Chris and Andy weren’t paid to make good grades like some of their peers. And they weren’t punished when they made a grade that was less than what they were probably capable of. They knew that we expected them to do their best. Their reward or punishment was how they felt about themselves when they did one of the other. I think all of us have a natural capacity to want to succeed and feel bad when we fail, especially if we know we didn’t give it our best shot.
Sometimes, we give it our best shot and still fail because someone else’s expectations are way too high. Then we have to realize that sometimes you can do all the right things, with the right attitude and the right motivation, still fail and take comfort in knowing you gave it your all. That’s’ how I felt when my marriage failed. That’s how I felt when a long term relationship failed. That’s how I felt when I didn’t get the role in the play I wanted so badly. That’s how I felt when my job was taken from me. Had I not given it my all in each of those situations, I would have something to regret. As it stands I have no regrets. There are some times when no matter what you do, you lose. And the Pollyanna in me says “you had to lose to gain something much much better.”
Our success or failure in life is determined to a great extent by our attitude, our expectations and our efforts. The Army slogan Be all that you can be is a good one. The key word in that slogan is YOU. Don’t know who said it but this phrase stuck in my mind “success is measured not by the status obtained, but by the obstacles overcome.”
My favorite phrase, my life verse if you will fits with Be Aware of Who you are . Someday this somewhat lengthy quote will be on my tombstone.
You are born into this world and will probably never know to whose prayer your life is the answer. Oswald Chambers
Blessings!
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