I owe, I owe...

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go.

That saying on a bumper sticker I saw a few years ago made me laugh out loud.  So true, I thought.  There were many days when I was driving to work that I wondered how I had gotten myself into the situation where I anxiously awaited every payday only to be back in the anxiously awaiting the next payday within hours of my check going into the bank.  I would stop and add up all the bills I had and aside from the mortgage and the equity loan (which may as well have been credit card debt because I had nothing to show for it—in fact I got it to pay off credit card debt), the electric and water bill and insurance the majority of my check went to credit card payments.  Yet I looked around and very few of my possessions were the result of any recent charges, but rather charges I had made years before and was still chipping away at years later.  Like the $500 television set I bought in 2009.  Three years later I still owed Best Buy $18 a month.  Now some credit card debt was probably justifiable, like the dental credit card I was paying off for wisdom teeth surgery slowly but surely. To come up with that kind of money in full when that situation arose was not a possibility.  One day I dug out the bills and went back to see when the last time I had actually charged anything was and was amazed to learn that I hadn’t charged anything in over 2 years yet more than ½ my paycheck each month was going to pay off the charges from so long ago I couldn’t remember what I charged.  There were many days where I felt overwhelmed and a lot of times I fantasized about winning the lottery so I could wipe out all the debt and just start at ground zero. 

Little did I know that I would be able to do just that and without winning the lottery.  When I met Joe back in August 2011 and during the course of our first “date” listened to him tell me that he lived in an RV and drove a beat up car that was paid for and that he intended to drive until it died on the side of the road and worked at a job that was little stress, but little pay I realized that I envied him.  I lived in a big house, much too big for just me and my Yorkie.  I drove a decent car, nothing too fancy but the payments were low and I worked at a job I loved for good pay.   But happy?  Far from it. I felt overwhelmed, overworked and out of control.  The road before me seemed filled with obstacles.  At one point I even talked to an attorney to investigate what it took to file bankruptcy…just in case…because I was one car repair, one pricey medication, one home repair away from total disaster.  To see this man, sitting across the table from me, talking about how the loss of his job, his marriage had brought him to a point in his life where he was able to walk away from the “material” things and be grateful to have whatever he had.  When he talked about living the simple life, his face lit up.  When he seemed surprised that I wanted to see him again, I liked him even more.  He had been out with a lot of women and most had judged him on his car and his home.  Not me!  Heck it seemed like he had a secret and I wanted in on it.  “How to be happy with less”…”less is more”.  Just what I had been seeking. A simpler life where I wasn’t held hostage by debt. 

And now, a year later I find myself happier than I’ve been in a very long time.  Because the simple life agrees with me.  Today on my bike ride at the RiverParks I went a little farther off the beaten path.  And as I was riding this “free borrowed from the park” bicycle and passed the house on the hill that is breathtakingly beautiful if for no other reason than the size, with the Mercedes and the Bentley parked in the drive I was not the least bit jealous.  I realized that my bright yellow 2005 Chevy makes me happier than any fancy car.  My 38 ft. RV is just the right size for me and Joe. Walking on the riverparks path and seeing the lights downtown come on the reflection of the sunset off the water from the bridge are ever bit as awe inspiring to me as watching the sunset from the Bay Bridge in San Francisco many years ago.  Happiness doesn’t come from things.  It comes from within.  Nothing satisfies like being satisfied with who you are and who’s heart you have.  Things are fun, things are great but sometimes they just aren’t worth the cost of your “freedom”.   

When I first lost my job I was so devastated.  I was freaking out because I knew that my debt required every penny I made and  that there was no way I could make all the payments I had to make every month.  Even with Joe’s salary and mine combined we were still living on the edge.  Poor Joe. Came into the marriage totally free of debt and loved me enough to take a chance on me, knowing that my desire was to sell my house and pay off all my debts.   And by the grace of God, the house sold, the debts were paid and without a job, with unemployment and Joe’s income as a security guard we have more money leftover once the “bills” are paid now than we did when I had my good job and my mound of debt.  Now eating out is a treat but honestly, I had forgotten how much I love to cook and what a good cook I am.  The ease of just mindlessly pulling through a drive thru for convenience got a hold of me.  Not having to worry about what I am going to wear to work every day and whether its been a long enough time since I last wore that particular thing is amazingly freeing.  That closet full of clothes that I didn’t wear has been thinned out and given to people who really needed clothes.   Television is a rarity.  No direct tv or cable.  Just what we can get from the antenna on top the RV.  Its not a matter of not having the money or being a cheapskate. It’s a matter of deciding what is truly important to me and not paying for things that aren’t.  Besides, writing is much more fulfilling than Dr. Phil.

Whoever said the best things in life are free knew exactly what they were talking about. Making someone laugh with my comedy, seeing a prayer answered, watching a squirrel playing in the yard, taking Quincy for a walk and having little kids run up and ask to pet him and seeing how happy they are when I say yes, waking up next to Joe, hearing the phone ring and its Chris or Andy’s ringtone, sunflowers, facebook friends and not having an alarm to set because for now, there is no where I have to be at a certain time.  Reading a book while the laundry finishes drying, getting the mail and having no bills in the stack…….

Delayed gratification. I really, really , really want a laptop computer. But it’s a want not a need. I have a computer that works perfectly fine.  The old me would have reasoned that I deserved one even if I had to charge it because I worked hard and should have some pleasure from that.   And eventually I will have one.  It’s simply more important to me to not have the debt than to have the laptop.  It meant a whole lot more to be able to pay cash for the car repair I had to have because I had money in savings to do so. 

When I posted the picture of my RV and captioned it Home, Sweet, Home I really meant that.  Life is sweet. My former pastor Rusty’s response hit the nail on the head.  He said exactly what I feel..  He commented “Everything paid for! A simple lifestyle. A heart right with God. A stellar marriage. You are wealthy. “

I certainly am!  Blessings abound!