My old high school friend Mark Stanley posted this on his timeline and I had to share it. The author is Yash Dave.
· After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out
to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman
loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the
demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit
her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner
and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked. My mother is the type of woman who
suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad
news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with
you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”She thought about it for a moment,
and then said, “I would like that very much.”That Friday after work, as I drove over
to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed
that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door
with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that
she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from
a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.“I told my friends that I was going to go
out with my son, and they were impressed, “she said, as she got into
the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My
mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to
read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the
entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic
smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when
you were small,” she said. “Then it’s time that you relax and let me return
the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable
conversation – nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of
each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we
arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you
let me invite you.” I agreed.“How was your dinner date?” asked my
wife when I got home. “Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I
answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so
suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I
received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates –
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that
night meant for me. I love you, son.”At that moment, I understood the
importance of saying in time: “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the
time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give
them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
“some other time.” ♥
to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman
loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the
demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit
her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner
and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked. My mother is the type of woman who
suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad
news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with
you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”She thought about it for a moment,
and then said, “I would like that very much.”That Friday after work, as I drove over
to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed
that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door
with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that
she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from
a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.“I told my friends that I was going to go
out with my son, and they were impressed, “she said, as she got into
the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My
mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to
read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the
entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic
smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when
you were small,” she said. “Then it’s time that you relax and let me return
the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable
conversation – nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of
each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we
arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you
let me invite you.” I agreed.“How was your dinner date?” asked my
wife when I got home. “Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I
answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so
suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I
received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates –
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that
night meant for me. I love you, son.”At that moment, I understood the
importance of saying in time: “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the
time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give
them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
“some other time.” ♥
This was a beautiful story and it made me think of so many people in my life who were there one minute and gone the next. People I genuinely cared about but didn’t make the time for. Some of them I’ve mentioned before. My friend Alma who had cancer that took her life before I could make good on the promise to come and have lunch with her, my friend Barbara who I kept putting off a lunch date with who died in a terrible car crash and the next day I got a card from her in the mail thanking me for being such a good friend . And the conclusion…the time you spend with someone you care about is a whole lot more valuable than the money you spend on someone. Making time says something powerful to a person, just like the mother in the story. It says you genuinely care. It’s not always easy. The other day I was thinking back to when I was involved in a zillion things with my kids and as much as I loved seeing my mom, when the weekends rolled sometimes all I wanted to do was sit at home and stare at the wall. The 3 hour drive to Kingfisher was well worth it when I got there and every time I vowed to go more often. My niece Jenna mentioned in her blog about me on my birthday that I drove the 3 hours to every family party, graduation, wedding, holiday and how nice her mom said that was of me to do that. So I thought, yea why did I do that, and do that still when invited. And it wasn’t because of obligation but because I truly love my family and being around them makes me happy. Any excuse to put aside the busyness of life and go and spend even a few hours with people I loved I jumped on. It was too easy when there was not an “obligation” like a birthday dinner or something of that nature to say “oh, I’ll go next weekend.
You’d think now that I am unemployed I would be more apt to pick up and go visit family and friends on the weekends, but now Joe works and I hate to leave him and go off somewhere while he’s left here to work. Maybe that’s a newlywed thing. LOL
A friend of mine recently quit her stressful job and though she is now unemployed with no income and no immediate prospects for work, that seems to be less stressful than the job. Which is a good sign that she did the iright thing. What she said that ties in with this blog is that she had forgotten how much fun it was to spend time with her family because before it had become more of an obligation. Something else she had to do when some days after having people at her all day long needing this or needing that all she wanted to do was crawl in bed and block out the world when she got home.
That saying about don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today doesn’t just apply to tasks or projects you need to tackle. It applies to LIFE! How many times I wish I had done stand up earlier in my life instead of waiting until I was 51 to give it a shot and find that I truly love and am fulfilled by making people laugh. My niece in her birthday blog about me said one of the things she admired was that I’m not afraid to try new things, from Yoga to Zumba to living in an RV. LOL Sometimes to try new things you have to be shoved off a cliff, like losing a job…that’ll make you have to figure out another way to earn a living. Or having your husband walk out….gonna have to figure out how to be single and manage…. We were headed home from Branson the other day and I saw the sign for a zip line thing in Branson. I wanted to do it. Joe was willing to stop and let me do it but wasn’t too interested in trying it himself mainly due to already having back problems. I said, next time we come I’m doing it. It’s on my list. He then asked what else was on my list. I don’t think he was prepared for the length of the list he got from me by asking that question. Maybe I have reached that “point” in my life because of my age. With age comes fearlessness maybe. I no longer care if I look stupid doing something (like Zumba for example).
I know this sounds morbid but I think it is a good rule of thumb. If you care about someone enough that you would be at their funeral, you should care enough about that person to make time to have a relationship with that person. Physical distance may make it difficult in a lot of cases to see family and friends as often as you would like. That’s why I love facebook. It allows me to keep in touch, involved with people I truly care about, even if seeing them personally is not an option. A few weeks ago both my sons called me the same day for no reason. Joe said it was as if I won the lottery I was so happy. Just the few minutes it took for them to pick up the phone and say hey, mom how are you and give me a run down on what was happening in their lives made me feel pretty special.
Tomorrow I am making a trip to Kingfisher to see my dad and Deronda and my sister and my niece and nephew. It’s nice to be an hour closer! That means 2 more hours I get to spend with some pretty special people. They are always so excited to see me and that makes me feel pretty blessed. And the best part is when I return on Sunday from my cross state trek there will be Joe here waiting for me with open arms, glad to see me return home . Life doesn’t get any better than this.
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