A couple of Sunday’s ago I got home about 6:45 after a quick stop in Stillwater on my way home from Kingfisher and a quick stop at Joe’s work to give him the box of Panera Pastries Andy had sent for him. Riding an hour and a half with a cherry roll, a caramel nut roll, a brownie and a carrot cake caramel muffin on the seat beside me was pure torment. But I managed to get the box delivered without eating the contents.
I arrived home and put my stuff up, and had just returned from taking Quincy on a short walk when I heard a car racing through the rv park followed by several sirens. I looked out to see 3 or 4 cop cars going through the park at pretty high speeds, certainly more than the 25 posted limit, headed across the railroad track which separates the front area of the park from the back. There is no exit except the entrance/exit at the front. Pretty soon the cop cars went back out without their lights flashing. Later on the 10 o’clock news I learned that a Mercedes had been stolen in west Tulsa and the thief had turned into our mobile/rv park to evade arrest. Ended up crashing the stolen car into a shed behind a mobile home and since it was still light outside and there are a lot of kids that play in the park its really a miracle that no one was injured. Well except for the meth-head 25 year old thief who suffered minor injuries and is in jail (unless he’s bonded out by now). The thief was from a small town outside of Tulsa and didn’t live in the RV park. It was simply a fluke that he turned in trying to escape the cops. By Monday, more was known about the guy and turns out he was a felon who had been in prison for several things among them theft and burglary.
The interesting thing about this is that by Monday morning there were at least 4 or 5 RV’s leaving out of the park. Coincidence? Don’t really know. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if they left thinking that maybe they were in a bad neighborhood because of all the commotion of the night before. With an RV you have the ability to pick up and leave in about ½ hours time if you decide you want to. (one of the reasons I love it). If that were the reason, I would say that they were overreacting. Crime is everywhere.
My daughter in law Juliet gets furious anytime anyone tells her about how bad the crime is in Mexico. While I am not discounting that it is very bad along the border as the drug cartels battle for territory, I don’t know that there is anywhere anymore that you are completely safe. It worries me when she and Chris go to Mexico to visit. I worry about them the whole time they are gone. But I have to trust that they are safe and I know that if it were risky her family would know and urge them not to come. They are there and know better than the U.S. media reports what is really happening. A few days after, I, in a fit of mother worry sent Chris an article about how the drug wars were escalating along the border and near where they will travel tomorrow. I had to apologize to Juliet for implying that she would knowingly go and take my son somewhere that was dangerous on purpose. The truth was that on the same night I sent the article to Chris, less than 3 miles from where I live, 2 men sitting in a car outside a Quick Trip were shot to death by another man. It could just as easily been me sitting in my car at that Quick Trip except that Joe has warned me about that particular area and asked me not to there alone. A few days before that a body was found floating in the river about a block north of where I usually walk. And last week, on the Riverpark path, closer to downtown and farther up than I usually go and late at night when I would never venture out, a man was attacked.
The point being, that danger is everywhere. And while I wouldn’t purposely go to an area that is crime ridden and dangerous even the safest areas and places you would never dream of being dangerous can be fatal. Look for example at the shooting at the theater in Colorado, the shootings on campuses across the country. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Sad, but true. More and more people seem to be seeking a sense of safety behind gates, in gated communities but even in those places crime and death can occur.
I spent so many years worrying about things that could happen to my family. Things over which I had no control. I worried for years about something happening to my mom. And then it did. And there was nothing I could have done to prevent her from getting cancer. And I wasted a whole lot of time and energy worrying when there was nothing I could do about it.
Living in fear whether it be of crime, or death, or loss of a job, or betrayal by a spouse is a total waste of time. All we can do is do the best we can and hope for the best. There are no guarantees in life.
When the boys were about 2 and 4 years old, my husband started working a job that required he be out of town a lot, and not just out of town but out of the country on some ocasssions. Prior to his “traveling”, I had never been totally alone. I had gone from home to roommates to married and can’t remember an occasion prior to the time he began traveling that I had ever spent a night totally alone. I was TERRIFIED. I imagined every horrible scenario that could happen. I slept with the lights on; my glasses handy so I could indentify the burglar if that should become necessary, with my clothes on and with both boys within my reach. Needless to say, after a few nights of this I was exhausted and eventually reached the point where I thought “whatever happens, happens..I’m too tired to care! LOL
I would listen to the radio the whole time he was traveling to and from thinking at any minute the announcer would have breaking news of a plane crash. And then I’d have 2 boys to raise alone.
I worried that the kids woud get hurt to the point that I became so overprotective I had to seek counseling for it.
I still worry. I still have fears. Most of the time, it’s not at the forefront of my mind. When your kids go off to college I think you have a turning point in the worry. Because they are out of sight and you don’t have a clue what they are doing, you learn to just breathe and hope for the best. I remember when the boys got their driver’s license a whole new realm of fear and worry was added to my life.
I once had a counselor tell me that the reason I put up “walls” with people was because I couldn’t bear any more worry about whether someone I loved would be ok. He compared my “capacity to love” as a ladder where there were only so many rungs and unless I took someone off no one else could be on my ladder. I remember him asking me, if you could have someone in your life but knew that you could only have them for x amount of years would you prefer that or just not having them in your life because you knew you would lose them? At the time, I think I chose the latter. Now I can say that I would choose the first because with age has come wisdom.
I can say that I didn’t worry at all about losing my job. I felt secure. I knew I was good at my job and I felt that my value was obvious to the company. Glad I didn’t spend anytime worrying about that one. Wouldn’t have changed a thing! I still would have gotten laid off. And the blessings that have come from that layoff have been enormous.
Worrying about losing my mom didn’t keep her alive. Worrying about my spouse leaving me didn’t keep him from leaving. Worrying about whether or not the bank I am in line at is going to get robbed isn’t gonna keep it from getting it robbed.
What finally worked for me was faith. Faith that God is in control and that regardless of my circumstance, He is there. Now when I find myself starting to worry about something I have no control over (which is pretty much everything in regard to the things I worry about) I do something very simple. I stop, I hold out my palms and I lift them upward saying “here it is God, take this burden from me”. This simple action, this simple reminder of my faith and my belief works for me every time. Well, at least for the moment until some other fear or worry pops into my head. Then I do it again. And over the years I have found that I lift my palms upward pretty rarely. Because worry isn’t a big part of my life anymore.
That being said, I admit I’m a little worried about the Mexico trip Chris and Juliet are taking off on tomorrow. Prayers for their safety are welcome and I am gonna stop typing now cause I can’t type and lift my palms at the same time.
Peace and blessings. L
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