Monday, May 16, 2016

"Anna" whole lot of love


This week marks a milestone in your life Anna.  I can’t tell you how proud of you I am because words can’t convey the amount of love and respect I have for you.   Perhaps it’s so easy for me to remember back to my own 8th grade graduation (though I don’t think there was a ceremony) because that 8th grade year had marked such a huge change in my life.  Not only had my grandmother died the summer before 8th grade but we had moved from Texas to Oklahoma and I had left behind my BFF Joni Rasbury.

I remember getting on the bus that first day of 8th grade with my white jeans and smiley face t-shirt, lugging my cornet and a lunch sack, scared out of my wits.  And making my first real friend in Oklahoma, Cheryl Cawley Lorenz.    Cheryl took pity on me I think and we became fast friends.   That year would be the year I discovered boys starting with a crush on a boy named Scott and then moving quickly on to being in love with too many to name, culminating with going steady and getting my first kiss on the band bus by Robert Weeks.  LOL 

And as scary as that first day of 8th grade was, going into 9th grade was even more terrifying.  By then the “new girl from Texas” label had worn off and I was just ordinary again.  I was not part of the ‘in” crowd, but not one of the “weirdo crowd” either. 

What I remember most is wanting to fit in and struggling for the next 4 years of High School to do just that.  It was not one of the best times of my life (that would come later when I became a mom) but it was bearable.  I had my first real love and consequently my first real heart break in High School.  I lost friends, gained friends and spent a great deal of time fretting over whether my clothes were ok, how to cover that tiny little zit on my face that felt  like a boulder, trying not to say or do the wrong thing and become victim to the mean girls.  Every day felt like a day that I could mess up and be ruined forever.

Let me tell you this my sweet Anna!  If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t have cared what other people thought.  Those classmates who were the “elite” of the school ended up being  ordinary people later in life.  Looking back I wish I had tried harder to “not fit in” to be myself, to pursue my passions even if someone might have labeled me nerdy or weird.   That girl who had no voice in high school, who did her best not to stand out or to  be noticed would have been more like the woman I am today. 

As I anticipate going to my 40th class reunion this September, and performing my comedy for a group of people, some of whom I was genuinely afraid of in high school, I feel a sense of relief that I am who I am.  I don’t have to fade into the background or try to impress.  I can simply enjoy being the  me that God created me to be.

And that is what I wish for you.  That the next 4 years every time someone hurts your feelings, or you don’t get the part in the play, or the spot on the team, or the invite to the “party” that everyone cool is going to.  That when someone thinks you are weird because you like art or science or wear the wrong shoes for the season, or some boy rejects you, or some girlfriend decides that they like another friend better that you will have  the strength to look at the situation and say to yourself “this too shall pass” and keep on being who you are, not changing to please anyone else.

You are a unique young woman Anna.  I have loved you from the moment you were  born.  When my mom (MEME) died when you were just 2 years old,  I was devastated not just for our family’s loss but for her missing out on your growing up .  She would be so very proud of the young lady you have grown to be.  You are beautiful inside and out, your are smart, you are talented, you have a big heart.  I don’t  think there is a mean bone in your body.  I have watched you interact with other kids, with adults and lately with the Alzheimer’s patient where Papa lives.  You are kind and caring, empathetic and graceful in the most awkward of situation…..”who’s gonna dress me?”  lol….

I have enjoyed every year of your life and am so grateful that I was close enough to be a part of it.  From the first kid birthday party where we made build a bears at home, to your 13th scavenger hunt at the mall, from making bunny cakes and cupcakes shaped like high heels (we could go on pintrest fails), to the annual Christmas puppet show, to seeing your many dance recitals (and the tutu meltdown) lol. 

You are so loved by so many and I know that you will be grounded in faith and love throughout the next few years of your life.  Congratulations Anna on a life well lived and a future as bright as the stars.

Aunt LeeAnn

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