All Choked Up

My friends at work were laughing at me this morning because I was telling them about how nervous I was last Friday before my date and that I had swallowed one of those Crest White Strip things I had on my teeth to whiten them. It was just one of those things where it slipped off my bottom teeth and I was trying to retrieve it and swallowed and it went down. Luckily it didn’t get caught in my windpipe going down and didn’t cause any damage that I know of. And my teeth were whiter.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve swallowed something accidently. Once I was staying in a motel room on an overnight trip and forgotten to bring my contact lens case with me. The only thing I could find to put them in when I took them out was one of those plastic cups that the motels have for water. So I filled it about ¼ full and floated my contacts in it. Sometime during the night, I got up thirsty, went to the sink, filled up the cup and drank it down, then re-filled it and drank it down again. Then I went back to bed. Then next morning, I am going to put my contacts back in and saw the cup on the sink and realized that I had drank my lenses. I had my glasses with me but they only had one ear piece. Luckily, I was on my way home from the business trip and so I didn’t have to do anything but drive with my cockeyed glasses.

If you are around me much you will know that when I’m not talking, which is rare, I am chewing on something. Pens are not safe in my sight. You can always identify a pen as mine by the teeth marks on it. I never have metal pens because they hurt my teeth! Well, one day I was chewing not on the pen but the pen cap off one of those cheap bic pens. And I swallowed it. Just took a drink of my coffee and it slipped right down with it. I didn’t choke, but I about had a panic attack. All I could imagine was the pointy part that clips onto a shirt puncturing something as it went down. I called the doctor and he said if I developed any sharp pains in my abdomen or intestinal area to go to the E.R. Otherwise it would be ok but to lay off the pens and snack on something else.

When I was about 3 they had these firecrackers that were called cherry bombs or something like that. They must have been the old timey version of those things that you can get now that you just throw down on the ground and they pop. I picked one up, put it in my mouth and bit down. It popped. My mom said she saw the blood trickle out of my mouth, scooped me up and ran inside to wash my mouth out. You think that early experience would have cured me.

I actually did choke one night on a piece of steak. Mike and I were newlyweds and when I suddenly stopped talking he KNEW something must be wrong. He said “what is it? Are you choked” “ I just nodded. He came around the table and started pounding me on the back with his fists like a maniac. So much for him being the safety trainer at work. You think he would have at least known the Heimlich maneuver. I was so stunned by him pounding on my back that I started to laugh and when I did the piece of meat dislodged and flew out of my mouth. I said “are you insane? You aren’t supposed to beat on people when they are choking. Don’t you know the Heimlich maneuver? And in all seriousness he said “well you didn’t give the international choking signal”. OMG!
After that I was a little more careful about talking and eating at the same time.

When Chris was about a year old, my mom, sister and I went out to eat at a restaurant in Oklahoma City. Chris was sitting in his high chair and I was talking to my mom and sister. I think it was a piece of French fry I had given him but all I know was all of the sudden my mom said “he’s choked”. I looked over at little baby Chris and I said “are you choked Christopher? Are you choked? Say SOMETHING! “ I was in a panic. My mom and sister were making a move to get up and get to him while I was questioning my 1 year old child when all of the sudden Christopher looked at me and said Ma Ma. Probably the only word he knew but he talked! Once we were sure he was ok, my mom and sister and I started laughing hysterically at what had just happened. My sister knowing the story about Mike beating on my back when I choked said…Were you waiting for him to make the international choking sign? And we laughed until we cried. I will never forget that.

Years later I was in a grocery store returning a video when all of the sudden the woman in front of me, who had a little boy of about 3 with her started saying “he’s choking, he’s choking. Call 911. “ The teenager behind the video counter just froze. The lady just started yelling at her “My son is choking…do something…call 911.” I looked down at the little boy and he was turning colors. I quickly took action. I bent down and gave him a kindler gentler version of what I had learned as the Heimlich maneuver. Out popped a big gumball and rolled down the aisle. The little boy burst into tears and the mother gave me a look that could kill. Instead of thanking me for saving her son’s life, she picked up the gumball , wiped it on her shirt , bit it in half and handed it back to him. I stood staring, too stunned to say anything.

Now that I live alone, I am very conscious when I am eating, almost paranoid about choking and having no one to help me. I have done the Heimlich maneuver on my Yorkie a couple of times when he got choked but he wouldn’t be able to return the favor. I did get choked once on a caramel driving down the road singing to the radio while chewing on the candy. I panicked. I pulled into a parking lot and put the car in park and started pressing my stomach area on the steering wheel. I don’t know how it worked but it did. That was one of the scariest moments of my life. When I could breathe again, I sat there for a good ½ hour just trying to calm myself down.

My sons still refer to any kind of tortilla chip as a choke chip. I would only let them have them if I broke them into tiny pieces....until they were 18! Ok, SLIGHT exaggeration but not by much. I also cut grapes into 4ths and julienned hot dogs. I gave them cheerios when they were small, not because they are easy to pick up and not as sugary as some snacks but because they have an “air hole” in case they swallowed it and choked. I bought some little gadget that looked like a tube which was supposedly the same size of a child’s throat so I could test toys and food to determine if it was a choking hazard. All that and aside from the one year old French fry incident for Christopher , the only other time one of my children choked was when Andy got choked on APPLESAUCE! I’m surprised I let them eat anything after that. Applesauce fit into the choke testing tube!!!!!!!

There is one thing that you can swallow with 0% chance of choking and 100% chance of feeling much better when you do. Your pride. Admit when you need help, admit when you make mistakes, admit that you were wrong, say the words I’m sorry when you fail. And watch the recipient of your actions get all “choked up”.