Full Speed Ahead

I had my 6 month Endocrinologist appointment this morning. She was happier about my 20 pound weight loss then I think I am so you can imagine how happy she was. Even ordered another round of blood work because she thinks just that amount of loss may do so much for my health that I can go off some of the medications I’m on (and theres a lot) and reduce the amount of others.

With any luck, my sleep apnea will go away once I get back to my healthy weight and I won’t have to look like Darth Vader anymore when I sleep with that stupid CPAP mask. (which by the way is still duct taped because I refuse to pay $85 for a piece of cheap plastic). And the dog won’t be afraid of me at night anymore. My yorkie used to sleep on the foot of my bed. But once I got the cpap mask he won’t come near me. If you have an animal, or child you want to break from sleeping with you I can loan you my mask. My nephew and niece used to beg to stay with me at my dad’s house overnight when I would visit Kingfisher. Once I got the cpap mask they never asked again.

As I was sitting and waiting for her to come in to visit with me, I noticed the framed poster on the wall in the examination room. I took a picture with my I-phone and I’ve posted it. It’s a picture of a girl at a crossroads with 2 arrows (if you can’t see it clearly) and one sign says Your Life and the sign going the other path says No Longer an Option.

The Your Life path is the one I’m headed down now. I am ready to fully experience all life has to offer. I don’t know what’s around the bend, or what the next sign will say but I do know that I will not turn back and take the No Longer an Option Path.

No longer an option for me path includes eating mindlessly, not taking control of my diabetes, not making time for the important things and people in my life, wasting time watching pointless junk when I could be reading (or watching) something worthwhile, not speaking up when I need to, being treated with less respect than I deserve. Beating myself up for mistakes I’ve made, harboring unforgiveness for those who have hurt me, not using my talents, worrying about things I have no control over….no longer an option.

The path to health and wholeness requires sacrifice. A lot of the junk I need to clear out of my life is not easy to let go of. New habits are hard to form, toxic friendships may be hard to break, and exercising regularly may mean that I have to give up some free time. But I know that it’s worth it.

Years ago I wrote a song called The Road to Nowhere. I think I must’ve been in a real funk at the time . I can still remember a few lines of that song, without having to dig it out from the piles of writings in my office, waiting to be finished, or shared.

The sign ahead says Exit Here, despair 2 miles ahead

But I doubled back to find the road to happiness instead

But the straight and narrow road required a price I couldn’t pay

So I’m back on the road to nowhere and I think I’ve lost my way

I am so glad that I don’t identify with those words anymore. I may not always be on the straight and narrow path and I will stumble and fall along the way; but I am on the road to somewhere and that somewhere is a place of peace, hope, love and happiness. Full Speed Ahead.