SSSSSSSSSSSSSnakes!

My friend Jerri has to be in the running for Mother of the Year. Letting an adult child move home to live while they attend Nursing school is not in and of itself note worthy since many of my friends have done that and I would be happy to accommodate my adult children in this way.

What makes her stand out is she let her daughter move back home with ALL her pets. Since her daughter worked at a Veterinarians office her collection of animals is more eclectic than just your usual dogs and cats. Most of them also have a health issue of some kind. Her home has become a kind of veterinary clinic. I’m thinking that her daughter should go to Veterinary School instead of nursing school.

Now, I consider myself to be an excellent mom but I draw the line for acceptable pets at DOGS. . I suppose I might be willing to harbor a cat but I have a no rodents, no reptiles, no fish, and no bird rule. Yuck! I love my kids but I don’t’ think I’d be able to sleep at night with those type pets in my house.

Currently residing with Jerri INSIDE her house are a 3 ft. Iguana named Fido, 2 bearded dragons, Fred and Flatty, Eros the ball Python, 2 dogs Kayla who is a heeler mix and Teddy the Chihuahua, 2 cats Fraya and Sabatha. Outside grand pets are Misfit the dog, a heeler mix and Bugs a 17 year old miniature beagle, and Molly a Chow/lab mix. That means she let her daughter move back home with 3 lizards, a python, 5 dogs and 2 cats! Now that’s mom of the year, if not century. Not to mention that Jerri already had two inside cats Callie and Shadow and 2 outside Beagles Shiloh and Buddy.

What tips the scale further in the mother of the year nomination is that she actually let her son have a Spiny Tail Yukon Dragon (Iguana) for Christmas. Though at this point she probably threw up her hands and said the more the merrier. I complain about the cost of dog food for my 4 pound Yorkie and my Siberian Husky. I can’t imagine the food cost for the animals. Probably more than for the human family of 4!

I work in Hospice and so I am used to hearing the terminal diagnoses of patients. I don’t think there is a Hospice for dogs…but maybe there should be. Teddy the Chihuahua has Congestive Heart Failure and is on special meds. Buddy and Shiloh both have cancer which is currently in remission. Eros the snake currently has a breathing problem (apparently the snake wheezes….I’m thinking I’d never get close enough to hear that!) and her daughter is giving it breathing treatments. I asked if it was a little teeny tiny respirator. Flatty, the iguana has some sort of bone disorder which causes her to be …well Flat. Hence the name.
Jerri said that Flatty actually drowned one night because she got into some water and couldn’t get out. She and her husband came home to find the floor covered with syringes. Seems her daughter was suctioning out the water from Flatty’s lungs and it actually worked. Drew 6 cc’s out of them and Flatty is alive and well now.

When the boys were growing up we always had a dog. There was Grover, my 3 legged transvestite Schnauzer (that story will be a future blog) who died one summer while we were out of town and left a schnauzer shaped imprint in the grass, beard and all. We had Skeeter the Yorkie who had distemper as a pup and had lost most of his teeth. His tongue hung out one side of his mouth because there were not teeth on that side to hold it in place. He died of a heart attack. Next there was Rambo, the replacement Yorkie who hung himself. (not on purpose) He got tangled up in our Beagles run line and we came home to that sight. Still have nightmares about that. When we were in country we had Beaglie who eventually died of old age, and we had 3 other dogs Coco (who I had to put down and that was one of the hardest things I have ever done—brain tumor) Lady and Duke who we gave away when we moved to town and Mike said 4 dogs were too many. Now I wish I had kept the dogs and gave the husband away. . All gone now, but replaced by Quincy and Shelby.

Andy had a guinea pig once but I sure didn’t want him too. His friend had a pet rat though so I figured I would give in to the furry rodent. At least it didn’t look as creepy. Mo actually turned out to like me best in the family. Might have had something to do with me being the one that fed him and cleaned his cage (but mom, I promise I will take care of him and feed him and clean his cage every day) Hmmmm. That lasted about a day. This furry little creature would be totally silent but if I walked into the room he would squeal like , well like a pig. The boys took to calling me the salad lady cause I would cut up salad stuff to feed him in addition to his guinea pig food. Eventually, once the novelty of having a different pet wore off for Andy we gave Mo to a school teacher for her classroom. Last I heard Mo lived about 6 more years and had a good life. I think we might have had fish at one point in time but fish are boring so I don’t really remember.

When I was in college a boyfriend gave me a gift of a parrot. I named it EarlY bird after the giver. I hated that bird. He never talked like he was supposed to. Just made annoying sounds and knocked feathers out of his cage constantly. I did feel a tinge of sadness when I woke up one day and he was belly up. It totally freaked me out and I called several friends trying to get them to come and take the dead bird out of the cage. No one would do it for me. So I put on gloves and put him in a shoebox and was headed to the dumpster when out of nowhere comes the neighbors Doberman, knocks me down, the bird spills out and the dog grabs it and runs. Kind of traumatized me. That’s probably where my bird aversion comes from.

Never had much luck with cats. Growing up I had 3. One was poisoned and I walked out on the porch and found him spinning around like he was break dancing. A friend gave me 2 kittens to make me feel better. One got crushed in the garage door the 2nd day I had him, and the other met a tragic death when my older brother Garry stepped on it and broke its neck while walking thru the living room eating a sandwich. That ended my cat days.

As for snakes and lizards I am totally dumbfounded that anyone would want these for pets. My daughter in law had a wild lizard that lived on her wall in Mexico. Chris had to get used to that I think when he visited. If it had been in my house I would have freaked out.

Snakes belong outside and out of sight. I once stepped on one when we lived in the country as I was going into the house. Thought I had stepped on a piece of rope. Looked down and it was a snake. I peed on myself. Went into the house and called my husband at work hysterical. What do you want me to do he said, trying to calm me down. Kill IT! I said. He patiently explained that even if he came home, chance are the snake would be far , far away. I wouldn’t walk out that door for weeks. I would go out the backdoor and walk all the way around the house.

So if any of my kids or grandkids ever ask if they can have a snake and keep it at my house, my answer will be SSSSSSSSSSSSSsertainly NOT!