Almost anytime I meet a new person I am asked what I do and when I say I am a business manager for a Hospice people usually look at me a little strangely. I don’t know if they are thinking that any job that revolves around death is simply not something they would like to do or if they just don’t really know what hospice is. I certainly didn’t really know what hospice was until 6 years ago when my mother was told to call hospice, that there was nothing more that could medically be done.
She called me hysterically because she thought that hospice meant you were going to die in the next few days. Sometimes that can be true but as often as not it can be months, even years. Hospice simply means that in the physicians best estimation, the life span if the disease is allowed to continue along its course is 6 months or less.
Hospice is not a 24 hour caregiver service as many believe. The family remains the primary caregiver for the patient when the patient is at home and the facility the primary caregiver when in a nursing home. Hospice is a team of caring, compassionate people including aides, nurses, social workers, chaplains and volunteers that believe every one of us has the right to pass from this earth with dignity, respect and free from pain. These people are a phone call away, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Hospice addresses all facets of a patient’s last days. Physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual needs are all addressed. And not just the patients. Hospice care extends to family members who are struggling to let go of their loved one. Every patient, every family has different needs and so tailoring the services to that family and that patient is what hospice is all about.
The approaching death of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences many of us will face. There is no way to fully prepare and sometimes when we think we are ready we find out we’re not when the loss occurs.
I was blessed to have been laid off my job about the time my mother got really sick and was in her final weeks of life. I was able to spend a great deal of time with her, working around my school schedule. My sister and I spent countless hours just sitting in her room with her, talking to her and about her when she rested. These times were precious and those last days at home would not have been possible without Hospice. The nurses and staff who came to address her physical needs allowed her to be at home surrounded by the people she loved most in the world.
And we experienced some very intense, special, private moments that we would have missed had she been in a hospital. One night, my mother kept mumbling something about a river. I said “mom, are you talking about the beautiful river of life”. I began to sing the song about meeting on the shores of the beautiful river. When I was done, I said “is that what you’re talking about mom?” She opened her eyes and said, No, I want a drink of water. My sister and I burst out laughing because it was so funny at the time.
Another time, I got up to see who was pulling into their drive at 2 a.m. because a bright light shined in the window of the bedroom. When I got up to see, there was no one there. My sister and I both felt a presence in that room at that moment and would swear that it was an angel that had come to minister to our mom.
On her last day, my mother asked for a deviled ham sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. Such a strange request we thought. She had a few bites and thanked my brother Jimmy for bringing it to her; then she lapsed into a sleep from which she would not awake. That evening, as my sister in law Shelly watched her and as I lay a few feet away trying to rest, my mother stopped breathing. Shelly awoke me and said, I think Betty is gone. I got up, went to her side and just as I got there and softly called her name, she took a deep breath, her face lost all expression of pain and she passed from Earth to Heaven. It was the most peaceful moment watching her die. As I went upstairs to wake my dad, he was putting on his clothes. He had awakened the second she passed. He knew. His spouse of 52 years was gone.
I went to the phone to call my sister and when I picked it up to dial she was already on the line. She had called me and before it even rang I had picked up. She said, “Anna (her little girl of 2) just came to me and said meme had come to her room and said goodbye.” My nephew, who was 4 had begun to wave earlier in the day at what appeared to be nothing while they were stopped at a red light. When my sister asked who he was waving to, he said to Jesus. He said he’s here to take meme to heaven.
The night before, the clouds looked like they were forming a staircase over her gospel barn. My son Andy remarked that God had provided the stairway to heaven. There were so many awesome signs that God was there. So many moments of complete awe amid the sadness.
And when it came time to look for a job, I truly believe that God lead me to Hospice so that I could be a part of something that had been such a lifeline for me and my family. I don’t get to meet many of the patients. My days are spent in the office, working on payroll, hiring employees, paying bills, supporting the team. My boss said I stole the line from her that I take care of the people who take care of the people. (I did…here’s your credit Lynelle) But it is so true. To work with people who care for and make a difference in the lives of others is a blessing in itself.
Hospice is a calling. It is an honor. And it is a blessing.
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