Years ago, a good friend of mine was dating and totally smitten with a man from our Church. She felt like things were really going well. There was nothing to indicate any problems. They seemed to be on the same page in regards to the relationship. Then one night he called her and asked if they could meet at a local park because he wanted to talk to her about something important. It was too early in the relationship for it to be a proposal, but she went expecting it to be something good.
She called me a little later sobbing and heartbroken because the meeting was a face to face chance for him to tell her that although he had enjoyed dating her, he didn’t want to continue the relationship. She was hurt and shocked and really angry. She kept saying something about shoes. When finally the shock and tears subsided she related to me the conversation. Apparently, he had compared dating to shoe shopping and told her that even though he liked the shoes and they were ok to wear occasionally, they would never be his favorite pair, the right fit, the comfort level he would want in shoes that he was going to have long term and wear on a regular basis. I had to smile. NOTE TO MEN: do not try to make up analogies when dumping someone. Its gonna hurt regardless and being compared to a good pair of shoes does not help!)
I loved the story of Cinderella when I was a little girl. My favorite part was at then end when the prince is searching for her and he has all these women trying on the glass slipper. One by one, these women, who really want to be his princess try to cram their foot into the shoe but none of them fit. Only the person for whom the shoe is intended, Cinderella, can truly fit the shoe. There is a lot to be learned from this fairy tale.
How many times in a relationship has something just not felt right, or just not been what we had hoped but we rationalize or compromise because there are so many good things happening. I’ll deal with that later we will think, or he or she will change their mind, or maybe I’m misreading the situation. The reality may be that we are trying to force our foot into a shoe that doesn’t fit.
Another way of saying you can’t put a square peg into a round hole. I watched Chris one time as he tried and tried to put a square block into a round hole on one of those round balls that have the shapes cut out and you put in the correct shape. He was determined to get that shape through that hole. Oh, he knew the hole that it actually went in. He had just decided for some reason that he wanted the square block to go through the round hole. He had managed to push the round block through the square hole and so in his mind I think he just figured it had to work. What he ended up doing was getting the square block partially wedged into the round hole and it took some super human effort to get the block pulled back out so the toy wouldn’t be ruined.
Sometimes, its just not the right fit. And as much as you love those shoes, or that person, you may as well recognize early on and move on.
And its not just with relationships. I once had a job that seemed like the perfect job. I could set my own schedule. The pay was really good. The people I worked with were wonderful. The benefits were great. But I didn’t like the job. It didn’t interest me in the least. It was boring, unchallenging and I dreaded every day. I was the square peg trying to fit into the round hole. And so I ended up recognizing that even though there were a lot of great things to be said about the job, it just wasn’t the right one for me. So I took another job, making less money, with a set schedule and no benefits because the work was just the right fit.
It is rare to find a person, or a job, or an experience that is 100% everything you want. But the main “shape” has to be there. You can overlook a lot of little things in a person but ultimately, if you plan to spend your life with someone the really big things better be in sync. Same with a job. Its difficult to be committed to something you just don’t enjoy.
When Andy first went off to OSU he, like many other freshman had no clue what he wanted to go to college for. He didn’t have any direction in particular in mind. So he just took business classes and basics and put his major down as Business Administration. That covers a lot of occupations. His first year he was not particularly happy. He hated the business type classes he was taking. Way too structured for him. He , like me is not a ducks in a row person. So he was bored, he was challenged but not in a good way. I wondered if he’d make it through the semester.
By the 2nd semester, he had changed his major to Hotel and Restaurant Management. This was more suited to him. He had worked in restaurants all through high school and loved it. The chaos of each day being different, not knowing what customers would come in and what they would order, etc and having to be prepared for a lot of different scenarios appealed to him. He started taking classes in this realm and suddenly he was interested in college again. He was excited about learning again. He had found his direction. He had found the shoe that fit.
Every area of your life from school to church to relationships to occupation will involve making choices. Everyone of us is unique and every one of us will have specific criteria for our personal fulfillment in all these areas. All of us have a unique “shape” and unique “footprint” that we must find the perfect opening, the perfect fit for.
I’m always surprised when people think me doing standup comedy is such a “brave thing” to do. It has never occurred to me to be uncomfortable or scared about doing something that I feel born to do, that fulfills me in a way that few things do. By the same token, I can’t for the life of me understand why gardening holds such an appeal for some people. Or burn outs. Chapter 5 of my dating adventures favorite thing to do was go to burn outs! I didn’t know what a burn out was until I met him and if I had never experienced one I would not particularly care. In case, you don’t know what one is its where you go to a place and they wet the street and a car pulls up and puts on the brakes while giving the car gas and the tires spin and the rubber burns and a cloud of stinky smoke goes up and the crowd cheers the higher the smoke goes and if a tire actually pops well that is a major crowd pleaser. HUH? I just don’t get it. That relationship was a prime example of a shoe that didn’t fit. And even when I recognized that the shoe didn’t fit, I figured eventually I’d break them in. What I ended up with was a sore heart, sore feet and a lot of regret for time wasted when I should have just went shoe shopping again.
When making critical choices, choices what may very well affect the rest of your life, keep this in mind.
Your SOLE focus (LOL) is to find the shoe that fits. Quite a "feat".
Blessings.
perfect.
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