Fear not

I was reading an article the other day that was talking about fears and I wasn’t surprised but fear of public speaking was the # 1 most common fear. This was in a dating article…I had never read that before. I think on most lists spiders top the list. Anyway, I think there might have been a short window of time in my life where I was afraid of that. But it was short lived for sure. If I could have any job in the world it would be to be some sort of public speaker whether it be as a humorist, or keynote speaker….stand up is a form of public speaking…with a higher risk of rejection I think. Since humor is very subjective, it’s difficult to know what someone else will find funny.

Which leads me to what it called the 2nd most common fear which is Fear of Rejection. This one would probably take the number 1 slot on my personal list. Overcoming this fear (which I am still working on) has freed m e to be more of myself. If you reach a point in your life where you don’t care what other people think, where you do what makes you happy and if people don’t like it fine, that’s very freeing. I remember many, many years ago I sent a short story to a magazine. I was so sure that I would get a letter back that said they were going to print it. Instead I got a form letter that the “story” I had written was not something their magazine could use. I put the story away and never sent it out again. Which is a shame because probably one person read it, wasn’t impressed and stamped it rejected. Maybe if someone else, or some other magazine had read it, it would have been a totally different story (no pun intended). And I might have become a writer instead of …well whatever it is I do.

If I had bombed the first time I tried out the stand up comedy thing, I probably would have tried again. Because over the years I have learned that rejection is not the end of the world. You pick yourself up, brush yourself off, swallow your pride and try again. If it’s something that means something to you.

Every time a relationship doesn’t work out, or I send a message of interest to one of the online matches and get an “I’m not interested back” I have to take a step back, remind myself that it is not really a rejection, just a decline to get to know me , otherwise it hurts my feelings. Which is totally ridiculous to give someone I don’t even know the power to “make me feel bad”. After my speed dating rejection in which 6 total strangers I talked to for 6 minutes didn’t want to get to know me any better and the tears that fell because of that I swore off any situation where I might not get chosen. That lasted for about ½ hour. So stupid really. And at the end of this month, one of my classmates and I are gonna give that another shot. It’s a good practice your flirt opportunity. Andy was talking about something called the work flirt last night when I was talking to him about “relationships”. He said that is the person at work that you flirt with (with no intention of ever taking it further)..to keep your flirt muscle stretched. That way if your relationship doesn’t work out you don’t pull a muscle the first time you go out after a breakup because you have flexed the flirt muscle on a regular basis. I found that too funny.

I have been listening to Francesca Battistelli…love the peppy song This is the Stuff..especially the banjo. Anyway, there is a song on that cd called Worth It and its about Love. The lyrics are really good. What sticks out is the line Love’s not easy, but its worth it. You sure have to go through a lot of stuff to get to it though. Another line says “it takes everything you’ve got” and yet another “love can heal you if you let it inside.” Have to risk rejection to find it though.

The 3rd fear was fear of Death which is pretty universal. As a Christian, I don’t really fear death so much as I don’t want to leave this life I have and the people I love. I used to be so afraid of someone I love dying that it was almost a paralysis. And then it happened when my mom died. And as heartbreaking and devastating as it was, my life has gone on. Now I look forward to that reunion in heaven someday. I have a lot to tell her. Somehow, I think she knows.

And the reality is I fear not being loved again in that all encompassing, can’t live without you, you make my life better way more than I fear death. And certainly more than I fear public speaking. I wonder how many single people would put that at the top of their list. The surge of online dating sites seem to be proof that love is something we all hope to find. And keep. For a lifetime.