I was having a discussion with a co-worker the other day about people who appear one way but once you get to know them you find that the exterior and the interior don’t seem to match. From all outward appearances, the person appears to be what they say they are. But once you start getting to know them you find the heart doesn’t quite match.
I have a daily devotional book. The devotion yesterday was about pleasing God or pleasing man. It said if you wish to be honored by your peers, you must lead a life that appears honorable. But if you wish to be honored by God you must not only behave honorably, but you must have righteous intentions because God knows your heart.
Kind of like that saying about character being what you do when no one is watching.
Several years ago, I was to Church one Sunday with Chris and Andy in the van. We had just started going on a regular basis and it was hard to get motivated having spent many years sleeping in on Sunday morning. I turned the radio to a Christian station and was listening to music. Andy said, “Mom, why do we have to listen to this music? Can’t we change the station.” I said, “no Andy, we are listening to this because it is putting us in the mood, the frame of mind we need to be in at Church when we go in to worship.” About that time a driver cut in front of me on the highway and I had to brake. I won’t say exactly what came out of my mouth since my blog is PG and because I’m ashamed since I had kids in the car…suffice it to say that I called someone a @(*&*% jerk who needed to learn how to drive a &*!!** car. Andy, reached over and turned the station saying “obviously, its not working mom, might as well listen to whatever we want.”
To my credit, my kids will attest to the fact that 99% of the time, I do and say the right things. The cuss words they learned through the years were not from my mouth. Most of the time, my heart and my actions match. Most of the time I am pretty “Christ centered”. My motivation for the things I do comes from a genuine desire to be the kind of person God would want me to be. Most of the time, I do a fairly good job. When I screw up, I know that there is forgiveness.
I had to laugh yesterday when a co-worker of mine who was ranting and raving about some idiot she was dealing with at the car repair, picked up the phone and in the sweetest, most syrupy tone said Good morning, how can I help you, if you need anything call me, have a blessed day and then hung up and started ranting and raving again about the idiot at the shop.
We all have a tendency to judge others actions and sometimes not even recognize that we are doing the same thing. Oh,the circumstances might be different. And we can usually find a good reason to justify why our actions are not the same as those who we judge. I know a preacher (not at my Church) that is the most judgmental person I have ever met. While he talks love and tolerance, his actions speak intolerance and hate toward those whose behavior he deems unchristian like. Or the man I know that made a large donation to a charity but was telling me how mad he was that they didn’t put an article about that in the newspaper. Or the volunteer that volunteers because it will look good on her resume. Not heart motivated.
I’m as guilty as anyone of sometimes doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. And I have caught myself many times thinking I would never do that and then find that I am doing just that. I love the Bible verse
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye.
What variable in the equation makes it ok for me to do something that essentially is the same thing as someone whose actions I don’t agree with? I try to remember this whenever I’m faced with a situation where I know I would be wrong to do something, but search frantically for a loophole to justify being able to do it anyway. Something as simple as knowing that because of my diabetes I shouldn’t eat that piece of cake. I eat it anyway. I justify it by thinking well I have been doing very well and I have been exercising and it’s someone’s birthday…..etc. This in itself is not the issue. It is when I see a fellow diabetic eating a candy bar and think “well they should have more self control” that the hypocrisy comes into play.
Years ago I rented an office space to a lady for her Hypnosis business. I faxed the application, did the credit checks, etc over the phone. I didn’t meet her personally until she came to get the key for the office. She was so overweight that she had a difficult time walking. As she came in to the office, she put her cigarette out on the ground outside. When I asked her a little more about her “business” I found that she specialized in hypnosis for weight loss and smoking cessation. I remember thinking “whats wrong with this picture? “ Who would pay her to help them when she so obviously hadn’t helped herself? Her business didn’t stay open long. She offered me a free hypnosis session to help with weight loss. I went but she was not able to get me hypnotized. I couldn’t get serious long enough for her to work her “magic” on me. She gave up finally and said that some people just aren’t capable of giving over the control they need to in order to be “put under”. Lucky me!
I had a friend one time who prided herself on being a Good Christian. She refused to go to a baby shower for the daughter of another friend because the daughter was not married. This friend felt like going to the shower would be showing her approval for unwed mothers. This same friend, incidentally refused to attend a wedding because the bride and groom had been living together. She wouldn’t associate with another friend whose son was gay because she felt that because the friend loved the son anyway and didn’t condemn him that she was condoning his behavior…and so on and so on. (Incidentally, same friend from earlier blog who told me my kid’s baptism didn’t count because they were sprinkled and not dunked). I say had a friend because that is the case. I pray for her. I hope that when life catches up to her and someone in her own family doesn’t meet her standards that she will have an epiphany and become less judgmental. It’s easy to point the finger at someone. What’s that old saying about when you point a finger at someone, the other 3 are pointing back at you. But I don’t associate with her any longer. Our hearts are too different. Love and compassion and empathy don’t mix well with judgment and prejudice and hatred. I prefer to be around people who at least try to do the right thing, who at least try to have their actions and their heart match up.
I was talking to a friend the other day. This particular friend feels like I am doing something that compromises my values. I, on the other hand, don’t feel that I am doing anything wrong in this particular situation. It hurts when someone you care about disagrees with you. When they don’t support you in a situation because they don’t like what you are doing. But ultimately, it is God that knows my heart and that it is in the right place. My motivations are pure. My actions have not compromised my personal “moral code”. We agreed to disagree. But his reaction to my “situation” did cause me pause to think about the decisions I am making, the “rules” I am abiding by. My personal “jiminy cricket”. Remember him? Jiminy acts as a conscience and a good friend to Pinoncchio Its nice to have a friend who will challenge you sometimes.
The Urban dictionary, one of my favorite resources for quotes and answers mentions Jiminy Cricket as an alternate swear word to saying Jesus Christ. I found that very interesting. I don’t need a substitute swear word (because I don’t swear, unless you cut me off in traffic…hard to do as I am a speed demon behind the wheel so if you can pass me to cut me off you deserve a medal)……but whether it’s my friend acting as a Jiminy Cricket or my heart reflecting on Jesus Christ as I try to do the right things, it’s nice to have the input.
Just writing this blog I thought of several “sayings” that speak to the outside and the inside of a person.
You can’t judge a book by its cover. Its what’s on the inside that counts. True beauty comes from within. It is not the outward appearance, what people see that counts as much as it’s the heart, that God sees.
I like this quote which was on my calendar a couple of days ago and speaks to what I am trying to say though it only takes 27 words instead of 1500. LOL
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
Blessings!
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