Remember what it was like as a little kid to be close to the end of the school year with summer just weeks away. It seemed like the school day go longer and longer and that summer would never come. Then finally the last day of school and freedom! A few weeks later, the summer fun would become routine, boring even and the I’d find myself wishing that school would start so I could see my friends again.
At work, several of our employees have scheduled summer vacations. I rarely take off in the summer; unless it’s a day or so here and there. I’d much rather wait until a cooler time of year to take off. Hardly a day goes by without someone saying, 5 days until my vacation; or 2 more weeks and I’m out of here. Not sure, like the school kids they reach a point where they wish they were back at work. Maybe when they run out of money vacationing.
I find myself wanting to fast forward a lot to get to the goal or the situation that I’m hoping for. While the dictionary says anticipation is looking forward, a pleasurable expectation I find nothing pleasurable about having to wait for something. When God handed out patience he missed me somehow. And its not just my own wait for things that drives me crazy. I cannot buy a present for someone very far in advance because I have to give it to them right then. I used to unwrap my Christmas gifts and re-wrap them because I couldn’t wait to find out. When I decide I want to do something I want to do it sooner, not later. I like surprises, because they are usually not planned. Not, an I’ll do this at a later date, a we’ll do that some weekend soon type thing. I’d rather just say, lets to do this, now, today. I mean, I some thing have to be planned in advance but for me the less lead time the better.
I love to read. My favorite kind of books are crime novels. You will think I’m crazy but I always read the last chapter 1st. That way I know who did it, and what the final outcome is. I’ve always done this. Contrary to what you are thinking it doesn’t spoil the book for me. It actually makes it more enjoyable because then as I’m reading I can see the subtle little hints and clues throughout that the writer used to keep the reader guessing. I’m not quite as bad about movies. Though if I can find someone that has seen the movie and can tell me what happens, who dies, etc then I enjoy watching it more.
While most people look forward to seeing what the next day is gonna bring, I’d rather just know. I don’t like to plan because things never happen the way they are suppose to and that is frustrating to me. But I I could make a plan and know it was set in stone, that it wouldn’t change, then I think I’d have utopia. Because I would know exactly what was gonna happen and I could just enjoy it. Or brace myself for it. Whatever the case may be.
I have people ask me all the time if I get nervous before I go on stage to perform my comedy. The answer is no. I don’t. I am ready to get to it. What makes me nervous is waiting for time to perform. That anticipation of doing something I love to do is the thing that drives me crazy. I can’t wait to do it.
Just like I can’t wait to be able to see an old friend of mine whenever some things get worked out so that it can happen. The anticipation is driving me crazy. The class reunion which I’m really looking forward to is a long way off. I’ve been waiting for my house to sell for2 long years in anticipation of a simpler, smaller place. I've been anticipating meeting the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with for a long time now . I am anticipating the day I have a grandchild. I am anticipating reaching my goal weight and staying there for the rest of my life. I am anticipating the day that the diabetes doctor says “congratulations, you are no longer considered diabetic.”
Funny how life works isn’t it. As soon as we get one thing, another thing pops up to take its place. And so life is a series of anticipated moments. My friend said, everyday look in the mirror, smile and say this day is exactly as I hoped it would be. That would be a great way to live. Not in anticipation of some future joy or goal met, but living in the moment. Enjoying life just as it is. Not always “looking forward to it”.
I’m gonna work on that. Enjoying the moment. Being grateful for where I’m at, right that minute. I don’t think it’ll be easy. But its worth a try. The Anticipation that is “making me wait, keeping me waiting.......is driving me crazy. There's got to be a better way.
No comments:
Post a Comment