Monkeying around

I was talking to a friend the other day about a personal dilemma I have found myself in.  It would be easily solved if I just did what I know I probably need to do.  But I want what I want what I want and at this point can’t seem to walk away, even though I know that I am putting myself at risk of heartbreak because of the circumstances.  He said that I was caught in a monkey trap.  I had not heard that expression.  I was gonna  google it, but he googled it for me. 

Here’s the scoop:

In parts of Asia, and other places in the world as well, indigenous people use a method for trapping monkeys that is simplicity itself.

To make the trap, you must first hollow out a gourd, leaving an opening just large enough for a monkey’s open paw to go through. Place a sweet treat—or some other food monkeys are partial to—inside the gourd, then attach a vine to the gourd and stake the other end of the vine to the ground somewhere out of sight.

An unsuspecting monkey smells the treat inside the gourd and reaches in to collect it. However, the opening, which was just large enough for the critter’s open paw to go in, is too small to allow its clenched paw to pass back through. No matter how much the monkey yanks, he cannot escape as long as he tries to hang on to the treat.

Meanwhile, the hunter who set the trap comes along, collects the monkey, and, presumably, heads back home in search of a cooking pot and a fire. There will be monkey meat tonight.

Now obviously being compared to a monkey is not a good thing, though I know what he meant.

The monkey has the power to save its life by simply letting go of the treat.   

Sometimes we hang on to things or ideas or people that we know we should just turn loose of and move on.  I’ve been caught in a monkey trap before, holding on to someone that was simply not the right person for me.  Refusing to give up hope, refusing to let go.  And ended up pretty devastated when I was forced to let go. 

To let go though, would also mean you forfeit what could be an exceptionally good “treat”.  Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.  Sometimes the heart and the brain are not aligned.  Logic tells me that it’s probably not the best choice that I’m making. My heart says otherwise.

And sometimes, we want something only to find out when we finally get it that it’s not what we wanted after all.  I remember as a little girl I wanted an easy bake oven so badly I could taste it.  It was on my mind every waking moment. I simply had to have one. The commercials made it look so fun and so I begged and begged and begged my mom for one.  I had a one track mind on this.  Finally, after a long wait I got one for Christmas.  First thing I did was burn myself on the lightbulb used for heat.  Next thing I did was burn the ez bake cake.  When I finally did get it right and turn out a cake it didn’t look anything like the one on the commercial.  And it had not been fun to do.  All that anticipation only to be sadly disappointed when I finally got what I wanted so badly. 

Watching my kids through the years there have been many times I wanted to jump in and say “no, don’t do that, you’ll regret it” based on my experiences.   I long ago decided my role as a parent was to let them make their own choices and hope for the best.  I’m not an “I told you so” person.  It gives me no pleasure to be proven right in a situation.  My role is to say, I know how you feel  and I’m sorry you had to learn that the hard way, because I’ve done things in my life that could have been avoided had I listened to the advice of someone who had been there, done that.

Still, looking back I can’t think of anything I would change.  The one job change choice I made that turned out to be the wrong one,  I wouldn’t change.  Because it taught me that sometimes you hang in and tough out a situation instead of jumping ship when the going gets rough.  Since that time, I have found myself to be a lot more tolerant of other people in the workplace.  Sticking in a relationship and hoping that things would change taught me a lot about loyalty and though it didn’t end as I hoped, I learned that I can be tenaciously loyal to someone I love, even when it would be much easier to cut my losses and bail out.

And so even though I may end up dinner because I am holding on so tightly to a possibility that everyone around me thinks I’m going to be hurt by in the long run, I think it’s something I am going to have to see for myself.   If there is a good outcome then I will be able to say “see, I told you so” about my own choice.  If not, then I hope I can count on my friends and family to see me thru the heartache and as always I will bounce back with wisdom and insight that may not be gained any other way.

That saying Let go and Let God comes to mind.  Instead of hanging on so tightly to what we think we want, if we could just let go and let God bring it about if its meant to be then that would save a lot of heartache in the long run.  Sometimes though that’s easier said than done.  Praying, God if its your will then let it be, but if its not, then let me see seems simple enough.   It’s when there is not a definite no or a definite yes that it becomes difficult.  Sometimes, God, like a parent I think says you go ahead and make the choice this time on your own.  I’ll be around to see how it comes out. 

Life is a series of play it safe or risk it moments.  In every situation there are pros and cons.  Follow your heart or follow your head?   I think at this point my decision is proceed with caution.  Accept the outcome and use it good or bad to grow from. 

Bon apetite.