Every conversation with my friend John is a learning experience. I can count on him to make me laugh, make me have to admit I don’t know what something is at least once during every conversation, and the best part is there is something about him that reminds me of my mom. I know that sounds weird since he’s a man. But he’s just unique like her. He is very smart in the traditional way; but it goes one step further. He has wisdom that comes from being passed from generation to generation, simple truths. Like my mom did. He uses some of the same phrases she did when she would start talking about something and never fails to make me think of her, and how much I miss her, and how wonderful a human being she was. That’s a gift. I smile when I see it’s him on caller ID and I smile when we hang up thinking of what we talked about. That’s a good friend.
Last night we were talking about a trip he had taken and because he has 11 year old twins, I was joking with him about being able to keep up with them. I can’t remember the exact phrase he used but instead of saying something like Yea, I am in pretty good shape and have pretty good stamina, he cracked me up by saying he thought he could still jump a 6 wire fence…though he later amended it to 3. LOL He asked if I knew what that meant or what that was and I had to admit I didn’t. I know now though. I actually drove out to the country after Church today and found a 6 wire fence so I could see how tall it was and how difficult it would be to jump it. I don’t think I could jump a one wire fence myself.
Got me thinking about getting older and though there are things we can do to slow down the aging effects on our body, at some point you just have to face the reality that “you’re not 16 anymore”. Now I know some folks that have seemingly defied physical aging. I read the other day that Jack LaLane died. He had to be older than dirt. I remember watching him when I was a little girl and he was old then.
My mom was never that concerned about her looks. I can’t imagine her getting a face lift, or a boob job or other cosmetic surgery. She was content with the body that God had given her and she made the most of it. She dressed to the nine (she was buried in a sparkly, sequined, evening dress at her request), she had her hair done, etc. She had wrinkles and extra weight in places like most. Yet I think you would say she was a beautiful woman. She was a prime example of true beauty coming from within. She was radiant. Because she was full of joy. (well most of the time anyway.) I doubt she missed any reunions or parties or get togethers with friends because she didn’t have time to lose weight, or get a new haircut, or find the right outfit to wear. I envy that mindset.
I was on the “sites” again today weeding through the last batch of matches received and came across a profile in which the man said this:
Looks are going to change over the years and money comes and goes. Over the years, beauty leaves our bodies and goes to the heart.
He admitted he read that somewhere but wholeheartedly believed that to be true. And he was a nice looking man.
I think my beauty has already started the trek to the heart. And that’s ok. I’ve mentioned before that on the online sites sometimes the men in particular are a little shallow. I believe in chemistry. I think that there has to be an attraction for a relationship to work. But I think that sometime the people that we reject, that reject us because they don’t see fireworks when they meet us are missing out on a key factor. Inner beauty, the kind that comes from within and can’t really be changed readily, the very heart and soul of who a person is, is the beauty that is important. I think, given a chance, sometimes the “chemistry” would come in time.
I’m reminded of Chapter 3, From Sizzle to Fizzle, Dennis the Dumper. I “found” Dennis on line one day when I was in the process of getting off a dating sight after my experience with Chapter 2, Pat the Pervert. I was scrolling through the pictures of the men and saw this really nice looking guy. His picture made my heart stop in its tracks. Something about him was so appealing that I had to stop. His profile was nothing out of the ordinary, his “stats” were pretty average, in fact, friends that later saw his picture would say, “he’s ok I guess but the way you talked he was movie star good looking”…When I met him in person and he shook my hand, my knees truly did go weak. Something I thought only happened in the movies and in books.
Obviously, things didn’t work out because had they worked out I wouldn’t be up to Chapter 11 in my dating book. As I got to know him over the next few weeks, via emails and a couple of phone conversations , I was not particularly impressed but I kept going back to that “chemistry” that “feeling” and excusing the fact that we had nothing in common, he was at a totally different place in his life and that when we would hang up or end an email I would breathe a sigh of relief. Talking to him didn’t uplift, educate or make me laugh. But he was Hot! We finally had a date and while I can’t go into details on a PG rated blog (lol) ….there was nothing there but a physical chemistry. Had I been interested in a one night stand, he was my man. I wasn’t. And he wasn’t interested in getting to know me once he realized that.
Through the years, 10 to be exact that I have been single again, I have had a lot of good and bad experiences. I admittedly have passed on a few guys because of their looks. Though more than likely I passed because of their spelling and grammar. LOL A lady I know the other day said “who cares what someone looks like” what matters is that he can take care of you. “ Which according to my male friends is typical of the women they meet. The more money the better. And my female friends would say that the men counter to that would be “the hotter the better”. Unfortunately, I have found this to be true a lot of the time. But its also unfair to throw all men and women into those stereotypical mindsets.
There was a show on a few seasons ago which I hate to admit I even watched called “dating in the dark”. The men and women met in complete darkness. They had to get to know each other without being able to make any judgments based on looks. At the end they got to pick the person they liked the most based on their “dates in the dark” and for a brief few seconds the light would shine on that person in the dark room so that they could see what they looked like. They then had to decide whether to pursue that relationship or leave it behind. Occasionally, rarely though, the person would see the person and not really think they were physically attractive but because of the emotional connection they had made would choose to pursue the relationship. Mostly though, and both men and women, would reject someone they really liked because they were too short, or too fat , or too thin, or had facial hair. It always made me sad to see that lost potential.
Today, as I mull over yet another man who stood me up I wonder if it’s worth it. Today I’m having an all men are jerks day because of one man’s lack of character. Tomorrow I will be back to normal, refusing to believe t hat there aren’t good men in the world who would welcome the opportunity to get to know me physical flaws and all. I hope so. Once again, my friends will console me tomorrow that he didn’t come through. Once again, I’ll hear “it’s his loss” Once again, I will resolve to not let it affect my self esteem which is getting stronger and less fragile every rejection…….…and I will be able to say ABSOLUTELY. He missed out on a wonderful woman.
L
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