Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind would feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
I got a forwarded message from a friend yesterday with a story about treating our family members with less courtesy than we treat total strangers or co-workers. Made me think of that saying about hurting the ones you love the most. I don't think its intentional. I think that its a matter of knowing that our family loves us and will forgive us our rudeness, our lack of patience, etc.
One time when the boys were young we were going somewhere in our van. Chris was in the front seat and Andy and 2 of the boys friends were in the back two rows of seats. I thought Andy was in the club chair behind me. We are driving down the road and he is kicking my seat. So without turning around I said in a very loud, irritated voice "Andy, STOP KICKING MY SEAT!"
I'm sorry Mrs. Byers, his friend Kyle said. Its me kicking the seat. Andy's in the back. Well I was totally mortified that I had been so "rude" about it. And I apologized for raising my voice. Andy piped in about that time "well you never apologize when you yell at me."
Another time, Chris was about 3 and I was having some friends over for coffee. I had made a plate of cookies and told Chris to stay out of them. I gave him a couple of cookies and he wandered outside to the swingset to eat them. A little later, one of the friends arrived a little early to help me. I had gone to another room for something and when I came back into the dining area I noticed that the saran on the cookies had been lifted off. Chris was standing nearby eating a cookie. And I immediately assumed he had gotten into the cookies and I raised my voice and said, I told you not to get into those Christopher. You go to your room. Big alligator tears began to roll down his cheeks and my friend came around the corner and said "I sampled the cookies, hope you don't mind". Well I apologized to Chris and gave him a hug but I still remember how awful it felt, the look on his face when I accused him and without giving him a chance to explain told him to go to his room. He remembers it too. We refer to it as the "cookie incident". It comes up everytime we talk about how rare it is that I get mad and what good kids he and Andy were, rarely ever in trouble.
There is a commercial on tv that has been running lately, I think its for ATT...one of the phone companies anyway. The wife is in a greenhouse watering plants and the husband sticks his head in the door and tells her he's signed the family up for unlimted text or something like that. And she says something like "don't you think you should have told your wife before you committed us to a lot of extra money...I should have listened to my mother and married.........and the husband says "it was free". I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL! It makes me mad everytime I see it because the wife is so rude to the husband and the husband's face looks so hurt when she says I should have married John Doe.
In the Dollar Store the other day I was an aisle over from a couple I assume were husband and wife arguing over money that he had spent on something she considered trivial. It made me uncomfortable the louder they got. I wanted to go around the aisle and say something to them. Obviously, I didn't. The argument continued to the check out line (they were behind me) and into the parking lot where he called her a Stupid B word and she called him some choice names as well. Now, I admit to losing it a couple of times when my marriage was breaking up with Mike. In frustration and in the midst of the hurt and devastation there were a few times I said things I shouldn't have. But for the most part, in the 18 years we were married, we never engaged in name calling or outright rudenss toward each other. We disagreed. But not rudely.
Families are irreplaceable. Good or bad, functional or not, there is no escaping it. You don't get to choose your relatives. I am blessed in that regard because I love all my siblings and my dad. I have a good relationship with all of them. It would devastate me to be at odds with any of them. And so I can say without reserve that they would feel the loss if I died for the rest of their lives. As I would for any of them.
And the part about the job replacing us.....so true. In that regard there is no one that is irreplaceable. Through the years, as the Human Resource person, I have seen time and time again employees that start thinking they are so valuable that they can't be replaced start to get obnoxious about it. And without fail, when they eventually move on we have them replaced within a few days. No matter how important you think you are to the company you work for.....you can be replaced.
Common courtesy, committment.....courage to be honest.......with your family, with your friends, and with people you are getting to know. Not a lot to ask. It matters how you treat the people that matter. You make time for the people that are important to you.
No excuses. No exceptions. It all goes back to the Golden Rule.
L
No comments:
Post a Comment