Blueberry Bacon

A couple of months ago I went to the doctor for a regular appointment and I a small mole that had appeared on my shoulder out of the blue and the doctor said that though it looked harmless to him he thought better safe than sorry and would refer me to a dermatologist. I used to have a dermatologist in Muskogee that I loved. He was an older guy and he was just super nice but he died last year. I have had moles before and once even a squamous cell one that I had removed. Mostly though, I would go to Dr. B for skin tags and moles to be removed that were just in annoying places, like under the bra strap or in once case on my face and people kept telling me I had food on my face which was super annoying. Whew…that was a run on sentence that made me tired to think. LOL Anyway, Dr. K told me asked if I wanted him to make the appt with the “only dermatologist” left in Muskogee or go to Tulsa and though deep in the recesses of my brain I knew I had made myself a promise to never go back to this dermatologist, I thought driving to Tulsa and having to take time off work was the less attractive alternative. So appt was made with this dr. and even though it was a suspicious mole (not the kind you are allergic to Chris…lol…private joke) it was 6 weeks down the line before they could get me in.

As happens in most cases when you finally get in to see the doctor the problem has resolved itself, within a couple of days the suspicious mole (which I suspect now was a chocolate crumb) had completely disappeared. However, since I have a couple other ones I wanted to have removed, I kept the appt.

All that to preface the “ultimate bad day” which occurred on June 20, 2012. Oh, as days go I suppose it wasn’t all bad…I mean being treated rudely, having your debit card denied for a $1.10 charge (mistake) and getting laid off after 7 years of hard work and loyalty from a job you love may not be enough to qualify as a “bad day” but I think it does. Throw in a blood sugar reading after the layoff that was off the charts and the worry of having to go to the ER, a face so puffy from crying that even the dog doesn’t recognize you and a headache that starts at the top of your head and travels all the way through your body and down to your toes…well, ok even for Ms. Positivity (yes I know that’s not a real word spell checker) , there is no denying it was a really bad day.

It started when I got to the dermatologist and as I walked in the door and saw the same rude receptionist from many, many years ago and remembered why I swore I’d never come back. Chances were that she hadn’t gotten any less rude over time and boy was I right. First of all, I dared to speak to her without signing in. Mistake # 1. I’m LeeAnn Swanson I said, I have an appt at 8:45” . She rudely pointed at the sign in clipboard and said “sign in please”. She then took the clipboard and read my name…which I had just told her. Next she asked how long since I had been to that office. I replied that it had been several years. She then asked “well what is several? 3, 6, 9? I wanted to say Hey you rude Be otch…look it up on your computer but I didn’t. I thought back and hazarded a guess at 12 years. In the meantime she was typing into her keyboard and looked up to say “Its been 19. That’s a lot longer than 12.” Does it matter? I inquired. Yes, she said because you are going to need to fill out all new information and if you had told us it had been that long we would have asked you to be here 30 minutes early.” First of all, I said, I didn’t make the appt. My doctors office did. 2ndly, unless it’s a manuscript I think I can complete the paperwork and still be here at the allotted time since I am 15 minutes early. And, I added, doesn’t look like you are overly swamped at the moment noting that there was one little old lady in the lobby filling out her forms.

  I took the TWO page questionnaire and sat down. I filled it out as quickly as I could, deliberately writing as sloppily as I could just to annoy her. 2 minutes later, I walked up to the window and handed her the clipboard. She was looking it over and the little old lady who was in the lobby toddled up with her walker and stood behind me waiting her turn. The receptionist said to her “you need to sit down. I am with another patient right now.” I turned to the little lady and said “no you don’t, I’m done.” and took my seat. My instinct was to leave. However, during this exchange I heard the other rude receptionist on the phone telling someone that their cancellation was 48 hours and she didn’t care what the reason, if you didn’t cancel 48 hours in advance you owed them $80 and that they would not see them until the money was paid from the last cancelled appointment. Soon enough, the reception recalled me to the window, handed me back my insurance card and said “we need your $40 co-pay before the doctor can see you. I handed her my debit card. She looked at me in total disgust, pointed to a sign on the door and said “read the sign, cash or check only. So I wrote a check. In my state of wanting to slap the lady I missed the other sign which clearly read “make checks payable to xyz…I made mine to the Dr. She pointed out this out rather rudely and I said, well if the bank won’t cash it, give me a call and sat down.

  Soon enough I was called back to the patient room. I was going to ask the doctor when he came in if he had ever considered replacing his rude receptionists with nicer ones, but it was obvious from the minute he walked in why they hated their jobs. He was arrogant, rude and acted like he was doing me a favor to let me pay him money. No, “hello I’m doctor so and so“ . Just “why are you here”.. I wanted to say “ so butt holes like you can afford your Mercedes” but I refrained. I said, well originally I was referred by my doctor for a suspicious mole but it went away. MOLES DO NOT GO AWAY he said. Well this one did I said. I ASSURE YOU IT DID NOT. Fine, I said, it was on my shoulder and its not there anymore. He then took out a small magnifier thing that looked like one you get from a bubble gum machine, examined my shoulder and said, “well I don’t see it but I guarantee you it will come back. Ok, I said, and when it does I’ll let you know.

While I’m here I have a very annoying skin tag and another mole I am concerned about. I showed him the mole on my arm explaining that it changes texture sometimes and color. “Nothing to worry about he said with a quick glance. Fine, I said. Then I’d like to have this skin tag removed, pulling up my shirt and showing him the tag on my upper abdomen. It doesn’t look infected he said. I don’t think it is I said. But its ugly and annoying and I want it off. “sorry he said, but its not medically necessary that I remove it and so your insurance won’t pay for me to. Well, I said, Dr. B always took off the skin tags and moles that bothered me when I went to him. “Well, maybe you should go to him he said, oh that’s right he’s dead. “ I started to grab the skin tag and twist it back and forth and then say “there, its irritated and looks infected..take it off.” Instead, I stood up, picked up my purse and walked out, making a mental note to trust my instincts next time. Once an ass always an ass.

I walked through the reception area where the receptionist was on the phone giving another person a hard time, and responded to “do you need another appt” by saying “have a blessed day and walking out the door. “ I don’t understand how people can be so rude. Obviously, this Rude horse’s butt of a Doctor has trained his staff to be as rude as he is. I’d report him but I doubt rudeness or being a butthead is something the AMA cares about.

Onward to McDonalds where all I wanted was a soothing diet dr pepper. “ Dollar ten” the voice said. I pulled up to the window and handed the clerk my debit card. “ Its declined” she said a moment later. “ Run it again “ I said knowing I had money in the bank. I’m sorry ma’am she said. But its declined. I burst into tears. Not because of the debit card decline because I knew that there was some error but because I wanted that diet dr. pepper so bad I could taste it..and I had just been through dermatologist hell and I deserved it. “It’s ok” she said sweetly.”.happens to me all the time.” I whipped out my phone and started calling my bank, not caring if the line behind me was growing. “I tell you what, she said..you seem to be having a bad day…its on me this time. Have an nice day. “ I cut out of the line and drove to the bank. I went in and go the error corrected, (a draft came out twice), talked them into taking off the overdraft fee and headed to work.

Work was fine. No problems, quiet. No one needing anything, no chaos. It was actually shaping up to be a pretty good day. Oh, I did go to the post office, stopped at the store across from the office on my way back to get cookies for an employees birthday the next day and then walked back to work which is what we normally do since its across the street. I even laughed at myself when I got to work and panicked because my car was gone. I walked back across the street, got in it and drove it across the street, chalking it up to the morning I had and not senility.

At 3 p.m. the boss comes in…asks to speak to me, and lays me off. Didn’t see it coming and handled it pretty well until I got my personal things boxed up and out to my car. It wasn’t until I was driving over Lake Eufaula that I realized I had turned south instead of north and had to turn around. That was my first clue that I was upset. That and the racking sobs that forced me to pull over because I couldn’t drive. I finally made it home and into the arms of the sweetest man on the face of the earth. His words” it’ll be ok honey” made all the difference in the world. A year ago, I would have come home to an empty house and had to fall apart and grieve alone. Thank you God, for Joe.

I have been laid off jobs before as companies closed, or were sold, or moved to other locations. I have always been able to look back and see the positive that came from those layoffs. Still, there is no way to go through hearing those words without feeling like the world has crumbled around you. That kicked in the gut feeling is not new to me. I’ve felt it before. 3 layoffs in my 35 year working career, the day my husband told me he was in love with someone else, and the day my mom was told she had a few weeks to live, the day my mom died, the day I found out the real reason that Chapter 5 and I were taking a break when I saw him with his cousin (ok, cousin’s wife) when he was assuring me he loved me but needed some time alone. Whatever! And every single time I have managed to come through it stronger and better off with the exception of losing my mom…That one is at the top of my why God list when I get to heaven.

I remember years ago going through the “divorce care” class and a few years later a “grief share” class and what I remember from both was the “lesson” about how when you are hit with something like a death or a break up, or divorce or a layoff or something of that magnitude, you function but you are kind of on auto pilot. You think you are managing and that you are ok but you do things that are out of character, or dumb because so much of your energy is focused on healing the hurt that you aren’t fully focused on the task at hand. Example: I had a friend who was going through a divorce, made excellent money at her job, but could not bring herself to open her mail …..it was all she could do to get up, go to work, drive home and collapse in her “grief state”. She didn’t pay her bills not because she didn’t have the money but because she didn’t have the energy. That may only make sense to those who have gone through something like that. When the collection calls starting coming in and her checks were garnished, she realized that she needed help and sought it.


Ok, I’m not at that point. This was a job, not a life. Yes, I loved it. No I didn’t want to lose it. But by Thursday, less than 24 hours later I was smiling again. Knowing full well that my life and my self worth are not defined by a job but by the person I am. I did nothing wrong. A financial decision was made by people that saw numbers on paper and not the value of the person. That’s ok. I might’ve done the same thing. I am FROGging it as my mama would say. FROG it LeeAnn. Fully Rely On God. You can’ t go wrong if you do that. Take a LEAP of faith and know who you belong to. You are a child of God. There is a plan for your life. This was part of it. Still, that doesn’t mean a part of me isn’t grieving this loss. A part of me is still focused on healing those little pieces of sadness and self doubt and anger that remain.


Which is the only explanation I can give for the blueberry bacon. LOL Thawing blueberries in the microwave for the pancake batter. Cooking bacon in the skillet. Take the blueberries out to put in the batter and what did I do? Poured them into the bacon that was frying. Fried blueberries…Blueberry bacon. A whole new breakfast treat. I picked them out, put greasy blueberries in the pancake batter and ignored the blue bacon. Joe didn’t notice and I didn’t tell him. Because I’m sure in the days to come I will be preoccupied not only with the new challenge of finding a job, but with missing the people that had become my family at Hope. And I am sure I will do a lot more stupid things. And that’s ok.

Because I have come to learn that one of my greatest assets is the ability to laugh at myself, to find humor in the hurt and to smile through the tears. That humor has served me well. Time to spread it elsewhere.