Many years ago my then husband Mike went to Bottswana, Africa on a job. When he came back I remember that what had made the most impression on him, other than the beautiful countryside and the warning about Mamba’s (if you get bit, kiss you a—goodbye cause there’s no time for medical help) was the fact that in the villages there the people who had absolutely nothing were so incredibly happy.
Joe and I were talking the other day about Maslov’s hierarchy of needs and how it had become clear to him in the aftermath of his job loss several years ago and the subsequent loss of his marriage and basically everything he had worked for that in reality, all the STUFF we think we have to have as humans is basically just that STUFF. In reality, the only thing we have to have to survive is the bottom tier needs on the Maslov scale….food, shelter, clothing, water, and air. When you are forced into a situation where you have to make hard choices just to survive it becomes very clear what you need and don’t need.
The next level deals with safety and health and having personal finances to take care of those things. Depending on which model you look at the next needs are love and acceptance and self actualization.
It occurred to me though when Joe and I were discussing how some of thehardest working people in our society sometimes treated with the least amount of respect. In a world where what you have is the standard by which you are judged rather than by who you are sometimes the best of people are treated with the least of respect. .
I really like that show “undercover boss” because I think its important that those who have achieved wealth or status understand the contribution of the “little people” along the way.
Six months ago, I was working full time. I had health insurance. I had a bi-monthly paycheck that was pretty good for a single person. I also had a lot of debt. I was one paycheck away from total disaster at all times. And then it happened. I lost my job and my cobra insurance premium was unaffordable without an income. Suddenly, I found myself in the position of people I had heard talk about their struggles and that I had empathized with but that I really had no concept of the reality of how hard they had it. By the grace of God, my house sold and I was able to pay off my debts and start over.
Suddenly, I found myself having to rely on the “government” for income while I search for a job, for health insurance until I can find a job. And though the argument can be made that those are programs that I have paid for over the years of working,it still felt weird to “rely on someone other than myself” To go from a position of being one of the have’s to being one of the have nots in regard to work. Being told you have to pay up front if you are on “insure Oklahoma” a polite term for welfare in the minds of the clerks at the doctors office. As if people on“assistance” would try to skip out on their $10 co-pay. There were 2 people at the counter besides me when this happened, checking in for their appointments. When the clerk told me I needed to pay my co-pay in advance I said, Sure that’s fine and reached for my wallet. The lady next to me started digging in her purse for hers. When the clerk saw her do this she said (rather loudly) Oh, you don’t have to pay yet..just the insure ok people and people with no insurance. “ I turned to the lady and said, yea us welfare people can’t be trusted to pay after the visit”. Oh, and you shouldn’t have to wait long if you have insurance…they get you guys in first regardless of an appointment..the “welfare” folks like me get worked in. And I sat down. Humiliated, angry and sad that somehow my value as a person had been downgraded because of circumstances beyond my control.
Its been an adjustment. Its been an eye opening experience over the last few months. Its almost fun to watch the reaction when someone you just met says where do you work and you say I don’t. Its almost fun to watch the reaction when someone says where abouts do you live in Tulsa and I say Oh we livein an RV at an RV park. And then invariably the comment “oh so you’re looking for a house right now”and the utter astonishment when I say “no, we want to live in the RV..we love it.”
And what I have found in being debt free, living in an RV that doesn’t require a lot of maintenance and uses very little energy, is a kind of happiness that I didn’t realize possible. When you strip your life down to the basics, where your life isn’t dictated by what kind of car you drive, or how big a house you can afford, or how much you owe the credit card companies its pretty great.
That adage about taking time to smell the flowers never made sense until I was able to get off the hamster wheel where everything was always just a little bit out of reach. Who wouldn’ve thought that type A, always has to be busy ,thrive on chaos LeeAnn could sit and watch a squirrel eat away at a pumpkin for hours…or find joy in raking leaves…..or get excited because a porcupine crossed my path on my bike, or marvel at the colors of the trees. I may not have 382 channels on my tv…try 3 basic but I’m too busy enjoying nature and smelling the roses to care. I may not have the latest gadgets, the latest fashions, I may not see a movie the day it comes out because it makes more sense to wait and spend $1 at Redbox than $10 at the theater. And at home I can pause if I want to, I have time to plan meals and cook them myself which is much healthier and frankly better anyway and the list goes on.
That being said, I hope to find a full time job soon. I continue to send resumes and get no response. Maybe its meant to be for me to have this “down time”. I have certainly learned a lot about myself and others in the last few months. What I hope is that when am working again, that I never again take the job so seriously, or become so indebted that I have no options, that I forget what life is really about. I remember once Andy asked me if I would rather have a job making tons of money that I didn’t really like or a job that I loved that I didn’t make much money at. Even then I told him that the latter would be my choice. What good is it to have all the money in the world if you are miserable and stressed ou t and have not time to enjoy the “stuff” you are working so hard to get. Or where you are forced to compromise your values to get ahead. Or where your health suffers. Or where you lose sight of whats really important to you.
I am happy. Even when I am feeling insulted and looked down on for my choices and my situation. The woman yelling at her son at the grocery store yesterday because “I don’t have time to make damn cookies for your class..I have 6 appointments tomorrow at work I need to prepare for”. I wanted to walk up to her and say “really? Take the time. Your kid will remember baking cookies with you a lot longer than the money you make from working so hard will last.” ..take a breath. The world will not stop turning if you relax for a few minutes. Really….it won’t. Give it a shot.
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