Being back in Hospice again has been a great experience because every day the people I work with and for are out doing work that on most days would be hard but some days pretty devastating in terms of the emotions they deal with. Being non-clinical, I don’t have a lot of interaction with the families. Oh, occasionally I will answer the phone and take a message for one of the nurses or aides or the chaplain or social worker and as soon as I hang up, I take a minute to say a prayer for that caller. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in the administrative “Stuff” like the never ending forms and charts and due dates and requirements that for a while I forget that every piece of paper I file has something to do with someone who is dying’s life. The blessing part of my job comes in when I get to hear stories from family members and staff about how our interaction made the final days of their loved ones lives better. Always, I love to hear the stories that are told…from a patient accepting the Lord and becoming peaceful because they have assurance of their next destination to the stories of forgiveness and love in the last hours of life.
I read a quote the other day on someones facebook page that gave these choices. You can either say “I wish I had” or you can say “I’m glad I did”. When I come to the end of my life I would like for my “wish I had list to be blank, no regrets about thethings I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve done. And while some things we have no control over, like how many days we have on earth, or being rejected by someone we love, or being let down by someone we trust….there are an awful lot of things we can change if we are willing to work at it, or take a leap of faith, or just simply say to ourselves, “I am going to do this” Sometimes what holds us back is fear, sometimes what holds us back is money, sometimes what holds us back is the responsibilities and obligations we have to other people. But for the most part, I truly believe if you want something bad enough, you can obtain it. Or at least rest in the satisfaction of knowing that you tried and failed but at least you tried.
The other day we were talking at work about what other people had said they would be doing for us and the remark, “the proof is in the pudding” was made. So I googled it. The original phrase was
"the proof of the pudding is in the eating." It means that the true value or quality of something can only be judged when it's put to use. The meaning is often summed up as "results are what count So it basically means that you can say you are gonna do this or say I want to do that but until you actually do it, its just a promise. Or something like that.
So the last couple of days I have been observing the “I wishes”. Whenever I said I wish I would stop and think about what it was I was wishing and see if it was something that was doable or fixable. For example, yesterday I said I wish it would rain. Ok, that one I have no control over. When I had to give my boss a ride after lunch yesterday, my first thought was I wish my car was clean. Now that one I can take care of. Today I will vacumn out the months of dirt, take the time to clean the interior and be able to say not I wish my car was clean, but my car is clean. Took care of I wish I could sleep late this morning. LOL Sometimes it seems we spend a lot of time wishing instead of doing. I wish I could find a Church I like. Ok, well that is gonna take some action. A church I like isn’t gonna just drop out of the sky. Its gonna take some effort on my part to actually go to a few churches and see if they have what I want.
My mom in her final days on earth taught me a great deal about life. When you are faced with death, you don’t wish you had lived in a bigger house, or that you had driven a nicer car, or that you were a size 10 or that you had new furniture. She said what you wish for LeeAnn , is that you have left behind a legacy. That you have made a difference in the lives of the people around you. That the people you love know that you love them, that you had one more chance to tell a friend how much they mean to you. Or to tell your child what a beautiful smile they have. Or to tell your grandchild a few more stories of their parent’s childhood. Or to see one more sunset or sunrise, to hear the sound of thunder and rain on the roof one more time. The important things in life are not the things she said. The important things in life are the things money can’t buy.
I am living a dream life here in Austin Texas. I have a job I love, I have a man I love that loves me unconditionally, I have 2 sons that think I am pretty wonderful, I have a daughter in law who is my best friend (how rare is that?), I am not stressed out wondering how I am going to pay for the things that I don’t have any longer and don’t wish to have again. Truly the important things in life are the things that money can’t buy. Health, Love, Faith, Family and a life of no regrets.
Its not enough to say I wish, or I need to or I should. Today may be your only opportunity to pick up the phone and call that person you’ve been meaning to call. Maybe today would be a good day to donate blood instead of saying I should donate blood. Maybe today is the day that instead of saying Call if you need me” offer action instead of words and take a meal to that family who has just lost their loved one, or give that stressed out mom a break by taking her kids for an hour so she can take a nap. Maybe today is the day that instead of saying I should take better care of myself you actually go for a short walk instead of turning on the tv and mindlessly flipping channels. Maybe today is the day that you forgive, swallow your pride and tell that person you hurt “I’m sorry, I was wrong”.
I remember a commercial from when I was a kid though I can’t remember what the product was but I remember the line “today is the first day of the rest of your life”. It is. Make it count.
Blessings. L
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