Its that time of year again, another birthday, time to reflect on the past year and look to the next one. I used to love that commercial, I think it was for hair color, that said “today is the first day of the rest of your life.” I like that message. Every day is a new opportunity to go a different direction in your life, to give up a bad habit, to start a new good routine, to forgive a wrong, to reach out and help someone who is struggling, to decide to de-junk your mind and body, to adopt a new attitude of gratitude, to take a chance, to do and take something off your bucket list. Every morning is a gift.
I think that working in Hospice over the last few years has taught me that life is fragile and unpredictable. And while it is a good idea to plan for the future, the future may not adhere to your plans. And mostly that it is important to live in the moment. Just like the verse Matthew 6:34 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I see it every day. The shock, the disbelief when someone is told that they need to call hospice. That the limits of medical intervention have been reached and all that is left to do is control the pain and say their goodbyes. It always strikes me that most of the time, the person who is dying is in better shape emotionally than the ones that will be left behind. One day last week as we said our morning prayer before starting our day at work, it was asked that God be with a particular patient’s family as they experienced their “first day without him”. I had never really thought of it in those terms. Always, I pray for friends and family after the death of a loved one that God wrap his arms around them and bring peace and comfort in a difficult time. But hearing those particular words, with the actual name of the man in the place of “him” I thought about a loss in an entirely different way.
I wonder if we were to take a person we love and substitute their name in the “first day without him/her” spot, if it would give us pause to think about how we treat the people we love in our life. Would we make those important calls to stay in touch? Would we make sure our relationships were in good shape, not holding petty grudges or waiting for the other person to make the first move to apologize if we knew that tomorrow we would have to experience “our first day without him/her? I think I would.
If I knew that tomorrow I wouldn’t have someone I love in my life, I might just take the time to call and catch up instead of procrastinating or putting it off until I had more time. If I knew tomorrow that I wouldn’t have someone in my life that I am still upset with, I might be a lot more willing to put the pride aside and let bygones be bygones. If I knew tomorrow that someone I love would be gone from this earth, would I overcome my reluctance to witness to them about my faith and encourage them about their own salvation?
The past year has been one with a lot of changes for me. Last September, I had all kinds of stressors good and bad. I had lost my job, sold my house, moved to Tulsa and into an RV which is significant because I went from having a ton of stuff to having to decide what amidst that ton of stuff was important enough to me for it to be kept. All the familiar things were gone. Joe was the silver lining to all that. For 10 long years I had prayed for someone to share my life with telling God that not just anyone would do. Looking back through all the bad dates and relationships that didn't work out, I can truly identify with the song "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." What a blessing Joe has been. And just at the right time. When Rusty was talking to us before the wedding he said that he liked to marry couples that late in life had found love again. Because we go into a marriage with eyes wide open, knowing from having been married and divorced or married and widowed what it takes to make a marriage work. And we come into the marriage knowing full well that there will be times of joy and times of sorrow and times of sickness and health and times of you irritate the heck out of me and you are the best thing since sliced bread. Oh, how I love my Joe!
And so back to 55.....when I look in the mirror I see a face with smile lines that I welcome because I know that my life has had great Joy. I see eyes that need glasses to drive. I see a nose that I've never been quite happy with but would never change because then I wouldn't look like myself. I see hair that has a few strands of gray that I think add character. I see a body that has fought the good fight but never quite won the war in regard to being the size I dream of being. I see age spots here and there and arms with what look like wings attached. LOL And though all those flaws are there and like the song I wish I as 18 again " I know I will never again turn a young man's (or old mans' for that matter) head, I find that in spite of that I am as my friend Steve would say SUPER HAPPY. Because the beauty of my life isn't measured in what I look like on the outside.
I am grateful beyond words for the people in my life. To be loved and liked is the greatest gift of all. To wake up every morning in the arms of someone who loves me unconditionally, well, there is no greater feeling in the world. To be in a place of such beauty, where I feel God in the nature surrounding me. To go to work at a job every day where I make a difference in the lives of people from co-workers to patients. To be close enough to Chris and Juliet to be able to see them anytime I want is so special. To know that Andy is with someone who truly loves him and that he truly loves is such a joy for me as a mom. And as silly as it sounds Facebook has been a major blessing in my life. I have re-connected with people from grade school to cousins I have never even met. And kept in touch with people I no longer see but carry with me in my heart always.
I may be aging physically, battling diabetes, waking up with aches and pains that weren't there the day before, having to walk a little more carefully and seeing a flight of stairs as a personal Mt. Everest because my knees are 55 but inside I still feel as young as I did in my throwback Thursday picture, a girl of 15. I've lived 40 years of life since that picture was taken. I have experienced heartache and sorrow. I have experienced childbirth and divorce. I have lost people I loved. I have made good decisions and bad. All these experiences have led me to the place I am today. I wouldn't trade them. The bad things I've learned from. I have forgiven and forgotten. I have struggled and I have triumphed. And if this birthday is my last (which I hope its not cause I want to be able to say 95 and still alive...lol, I can say without hesitation that I have had a wonderful life.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. That’s cause for a celebration. Happy Birthday to me!
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