There is nothing quite like the face of a pug. It is impossible not to smile when you see one. I am fortunate to have a Pug in my family. People laugh when I say I have a grandpug. But this Pug has absolutely taken over a spot in my heart. And when there’s a pug around, you can’t be down. All it takes is one pug hug and your heart melts and you feel at peace with the world. People who don’t have dogs, or don’t like dogs are probably thinking I’m absolutely crazy right now. But if you have grandkids you will know what I mean. When they are around, its hard to be down
I am in Austin today. Its wonderful to be surrounded by people and animals that love me unconditionally. Nothing I say, or do, or don’t do matters to them. Their love for me is pure, strong and unwavering. They don’t say I don’t want to see you anymore, or you expect too much of me, or you care more about us than we care about you. They recognize the value and worth of being in my life. They don’t question my motives, analyze my intentions or come to conclusions that may or may not be accurate. They recognize that because we are family, they will forever be a part of mine.
Yesterday, I got to see my talented brother Jimmy perform, see the room of adoring fans and feel the swell of pride as I was recognized as his sister and mobbed in the ladies room. I got to have dinner with my sister in law Barbara and nephew Jackson and catch up on their lives. I had a great day shopping with Juliet, my personal stylist, and I can’t describe the thrill of getting to say “this one’s too big, can you get me a size smaller?” Wow, that was awesome.
The trip down to Austin was a joy filled trip because I had the Chris Tomlin Hello Love cd (highly recommend) cranked up so loud my windows were rattling. Hard to be sad when you are singing at the top of your lungs praising God. Then along the way I got 2 really super phone calls, one from my diabetes doctor saying everything was great with my lab and she was more excited than me if that’s possible. And one from the Comedy Club in Austin to tell me they had a spot for me reserved on Sunday night.
When I arrived, the first thing I did was hug the pug. And as I watched his excitement that I am here and Layla the Beagle’s excitement that there is someone new in her house to bring her toys to its is next to impossible to care about hurt feelings.
And its not just this weekend that God has had his arms around me in my sadness and sent special people and dogs into my path to lift me up. Thursday evening after having my feelings hurt by an email I got, in the midst of my tears Andy and Ellen and Toki the grandbeagle arrived. It was a busy fun filled night and by the time I went to bed, I was so exhausted that nothing really mattered but sleep and the anticipation of getting up the next day and driving to Austin. Everytime I woke up and started to think about the email, Toki would appear and snuggle up next to me. Its like he had an instinct that I was awake and needed him. I guess he probably heard me stir and ran to see if I was ok.
And soon I’ll look back on the experience and be able to look at what happened without blaming myself, or wondering what I did wrong, or how I messed up what I thought was the beginnings of a great friendship. Because the reality of it is, some things happen for a reason. And the reason doesn’t always have to be something I did. I will brush off the sadness, dismiss the pain of rejection, stop questioning my value and accept that in this life you have to keep moving forward. There is a part of a Joel Osteen devotional I have where he talks about the rear view mirror in a car being so small compared to the windshield and he makes the point that you can see much better looking out the windshield because the whole road is before you and the rear view mirror, if looked into long enough would cause you to crash. His analogy of the windshield being your life ahead and the rear view mirror being your past is so true.
I have a tendency, even though I am one of the most positive, optimistic people you will ever meet to take the minor bumps and bruises along the way a whole lot harder than I really should. A friend of mine said that that’s the price I pay for having such a tender, compassionate heart. Another said that since I feel so deeply and bond so quickly that I hurt a lot more deeply when a bond is broken. I suppose that’s true. And in the midst of hurt feelings and hurt pride sometimes I will think, well I’m not gonna do that again. Because putting yourself out there, caring about someone or something, means you accept the risk of losing that person or thing, and being hurt. “ I’m just gonna hold people at arm’s length from now on so that they can’t hurt me”, I’ll think. But if you know me, that’s not even a possibility. It’s like saying I’m going to talk less. Not happening!
When I was a little girl, one of my favorite toys was one of those blowup clowns with the sand in the bottom that you could punch as hard as you could and it would fall over then bounce back up. And though that was a toy, I’m not. And I think in a lot of ways I mimic that clown. I’ve been punched in the gut and hit with bad news, and felt losses so profound that the air was knocked out of me. Always, always, I have found the strength to get up, handle the hurt with grace and dignity and move on to the next adventure life brings me.
I have a Bible verses that have come to define my life as an adult. Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, to bring you hope and future, not to harm you. If you call to me I will answer. There is a Babbie Mason song that always comforts me as well when I am in the midst of a trial. It called God Has Another Plan. I actually sang this at my mom’s gospel barn once when I was going through the divorce. I didn’t get all the way through it, in fact when I broke down in the middle, a lady in the audience stood up and sang the rest for me. I’ll never forget that. The lyrics that came to me just now
You may be starting all over, praying that thing will get better
You’ve said all you can say and done all that you can but your back where you started again
You will find in confusion there is peace at last
You will know that your trials only came to pass
No matter the problems , Gods ways are better than best
So when the rain falls hard and the storm winds blow
And you think it will never blow over,
Trouble under your feet, nothing over your head and you feel yourself running for cover
Oh, oh, oh, God has another plan, Remember God has another plan
And so when I feel that knot of pain, the here I go again, another “relationship” bites the dust, that why do I even bother, I’m destined to be alone feeling I can count on 3 things to bring me back to the reality that I have a pretty awesome life. God’s promise, a hug from a pug, and a family that matters.
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