One of my favorite movies is Harry and the Henderson’s. The one scene in particular that has stuck with me all these years is the scene in which the hunters are after Harry , the big foot creature that has become a part of the Henderson family. And so the Henderson’s to protect Harry take him out into the woods and try to get him to leave them so that he will be free. The problem is that Harry has bonded to the Henderson family and loves them and does not want to leave them. He wants to stay, even though to do so is to risk certain capture. The dad ends up having to be cruel to Harry to make him leave the family. I bawl like a baby in that scene because Harry’s face is so sad at being rejected. The dad is saying things like “We don’t like you, you have ruined our lives, leave us alone……all in an attempt to hurt Harry’s feelings enough to get him to leave. The motivation for Mr. Henderson is his love for Harry. He is trying to convince Harry that his feelings are actually the opposite of what they really are so that he will be go away and be safe.
There have been a number of times in my life when I have felt Harry’s pain. The pain of rejection. There is no pain quite like it. There is nothing so hurtful and personal as being rejected. It cuts to the very core of who you are. There is no way to be rejected and feel ok about it. It brings out every self doubt you have ever felt. It lowers your self esteem to the breaking point. It hurts beyond hurt. And every time I have questioned the motivation.
I was always picked last when it came to sports. My clumsiness is well known now and I was worse when I was a kid. So whenever it came time to pick teams for kickball, or dodge ball I was usually the last one standing and whatever unlucky team ended up with last pick got me. It was an awful feeling. Girls were the absolute worse when it came to rejection. I remember very well one time when I was about 8 years old watching all the kids on the block go off to a party down the street to which I hadn't been invited. I remember that pain so well that once when Andy had a birthday party and we had just moved and he wanted to invite old and new friends I let him invite as many kids as he wanted and we ended up having to use our Church gym to hold everyone. But not one kid in either class got left out. And those early years of rejection are responsible for the compassion I have now for others.
Its funny too how even seemingly unimportant people, people we don’t even know can still cause us to feel hurt by the rejection. Speed dating for instance. The actual speed dating experience itself was a lot of fun. Meeting different people in 6 minute increments and then having to decide if you wanted to see them again was an interesting experience. You write down yes or no about seeing someone again and if there is a mutual match you are notified. Turned out to be speed rejection. The next day I actually shed a few tears because some total strangers that I had checked would like to see again had not marked my score card the same way. Total STRANGERS people!! Total strangers who had the power to make me question my value, my worth, to wonder what I did or said wrong that would make them not want to see me again! Total insanity. Ridiculous really.
Many of you know that I was all excited about this guy I was seeing that I had met on an online site. I thought things were going pretty well. I was having a great time getting to know a great guy. My self confidence was soaring. Here was this person who really liked me. WOW! Then for no reason that I can figure out anyway, I get an email that he doesn’t want to see me again. Never did it occur to me that it was not something I did or said. I beat myself up for days. If I were only thinner, if I hadn’t asked too many questions, if I hadn’t texted him, if I had done this or done that. The point being that I assumed that I had messed up somehow. What is it about rejection that makes me (us?) question our worth, our value instead of seeing it for what it is. Was this a Harry and the Henderson scenario? Am I Harry? Was he really just pushing me away because HE liked me too much instead saying that it was me that was too invested? Did he think that I deserved someone better and not the other way around? And the reality of it was, I barely knew this person. Why do I give people so much power over me to influence my self-worth?
A very wise friend (you know who you are) and I discussed this very thing. He said that as long as I based my value, my self worth on what others thought of me that I would never feel like I measured up. I copied and am pasting his words because I can’t say it nearly as well as he did.
“But we do need to learn to look to Him--and Him alone--for a sense of our value. Our value has absolutely nothing to do with marital status, bank accounts, how many friends or enemies we have, our occupation or level of education, what anyone else may think of us (good or bad), or even whether or not someone laughs at our routines. (Sorry.) If we look to other people or circumstances to validate us, we will inevitably be disappointed because of the nature of man. Even getting a sense of value from those who love us is harmful. But God is perfect and will not fail us.”
I have cut and pasted this onto an index card which I now carry in my purse. Every time my feelings get hurt, every time I feel left out, every time that pain of rejection, real or not starts creeping up on me I plan to whip out the card, read those words and take them to heart.
Ultimately, I have come to realize and now just need to get into the very depth of my soul that Rejection is not always a bad thing. It is a growth opportunity. It is a reminder that we can’t control other people’s emotions or their actions. I am a valuable, worthy, Child of the Most High God. That is priceless.
And when I think about it in those terms, I can say with confidence, even though I hurt
REJECTION = GOD’s PROTECTION For whatever reason, it is not meant to be. God is in Control. Not me.
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