The wind this week has been unbelievable even to someone like me who is used to being over in the Western part of the state where the wind will carry you away on some days since there are no hills to break it up. On my daily walks I am thanking the wind when it’s at my back and cursing it as I walk against it. Yesterday, I thought I might have a low tire; then I realized it was the wind pushing my car to one side. My little Yorkie is hilarious when I let him outside as he fights not to be blown over by the wind. I keep thinking I’m gonna go out and find him stuck against the fence unable to move. All those leftover leaves in my yard have blown away. I knew if I waited long enough I wouldn’t have to rake. One of my friends made me laugh when he said he was hoping that the wind would blow his neighbors nice trashcan down to his yard.
Last night at Church the lady doing the devotional talked about the Holy Spirit. She compared it to the wind. You can’t see it but you know it’s there. I liked that. That still small voice inside, as soft as a gentle breeze sometimes and at other times powerful enough to blow you over! Sometimes I think it would be much easier if we could audibly hear God’s voice. I’ve heard His voice; deep with in my heart and soul at times and there is no question in my mind that He is speaking to me. At other times, I can’t decide it its my own wishful thinking or God speaking.
Years ago, I had a toilet run all night upstairs and when I got up the next morning I had a flood in my downstairs living room and office. The company that came to assess and work on the damage set up these giant fans all over the downstairs. They ran day and night for about a week and they were loud. And powerful. I would have to pick up Quincy and carry him thru the living room to let him outside because they really did blow hard enough to blow him over. Not to mention that the noise was horrific. Funny, though after about the 3rd day, I didn’t even notice the noise. I had gotten so used to hearing it that it didn’t really stand out to me anymore. Quincy didn’t get used to the noise and hid in the back of the closet for a week! I hope I never get so used to God’s voice in my spirit that I cease to notice it.
There have been very few times in my life that I have spoken harsh, hurtful words that I wanted to take back. But thinking about God’s speaking to me made me remember an incident that I still feel remorse and regret about 11 years later. It was during the divorce and while I kept my anger and hostility pretty much under control there was one day when I exploded and said something in anger that I instantly wished I could take back. Probably if you asked him, he wouldn’t even remember. Mike had come by to pick up the boys one day and we were arguing about something. I can’t even remember how the conversation came to the point that he would ask me the question but at some point he said “how do you know that it’s God talking to you LeeAnn?” And I angrily replied “well the Bible says His Sheep can hear his voice but since you are a jackass you will never know will you?” I remember the look on his face and even though I had a lot of reasons to be angry with him, I have always regretted that I said what I did.
I think a lot of times God is probably trying to speak to me, but I won’t let him get a word in edgewise. Kind of like my fallng out of the elevator experience. Had I stopped talking and listened when the gentleman was trying to tell me about the elevator door I wouldn’t have suffered that embarrassment. God’s voice should be a like a quiet breeze in our spirit. Not a monsoon to get our attention.
Two of my favorite songs have references to the wind in them. Blowing in the Wind and Wind Beneath my Wings. I have been humming these songs all week as the wind has continued to blow and blow and blow. I’m ready for them to calm and maybe bring some rain in. Been a while since I found myself humming raindrops keep falling on my head.
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