After getting up at 6:00 a.m and driving 7 hours round trip today I was really reluctant to have to stop at the store on my way home. But I knew that getting the items for tomorrows staff breakfast tonight would make tomorrow morning less stressful so I stopped. I had just driven 4 hours from Kingfisher, a trip that normally takes 3 but because of the pouring rain, low visibility and road construction I was closing in on 4 hours when I stopped for grocery items. Needless to say, I could barely wait to get home, put my feet up and relax.
Little did I know the adventure awaiting me as I pulled into my driveway. Before getting out of my car I had put as many plastic grocery bags on my arm so that I could make one trip. It is pouring down rain!!! I think, ok well I will jump out, run to the front door with my grocery sacks and get anything else out of the car tomorrow.
Ready, set, go! I open my car door and as I do this black and white THING jumps into my lap. I am totally freaked out as I dive out of my car thinking its the Possum or a skunk or a cat or whatever. I fall to the ground, the grocery sacks on my arm break open, cream cheese cartons roll down my driveway and I pee my pants. I shut the car door because I'm not sure what it was that jumped in my lap. I gather up the groceries and run to the porch and drop the sacks there. I am drenched, head to toe from the rain and well...the pee.
I go back out in the rain, open my trunk, remove a pair of gardening gloves that I know are in there, and a flashlight and open my car door. Relieved to see its a dog, I first try to coax him out. He doesn't budge. He's sitting in the back seat as if he belongs there. I reach in for him and he growls at me. I decide that I can take him. I reach in with my gloved hands, grab him and haul him out of my car. He is clinging to me like I am his saviour, obviously terrified of the thunder and lightening and my jeans, which are very loose (not a bad thing) fall to my ankles. I can't drop the dog because he has his claws dug into my shirt, so i kick off my shoes, and my jeans and am standing in the rain, in my panties with a dog clutched to my chest, cussing like a sailor when my next door neighbor walks outside.
I freeze. He says, "oh you found Rascal. Here boy." "Step back" I scream as he makes a move toward my yard. Do not come any closer!!" "Are you ok LeeAnn? he calmly inquires. " No! "I scream at him. "Your "freaking" dog just jumped in my car, made me fall down and pee my pants, then my jeans fell down and I am not moving or dropping this dog until you go back inside." He looks at me like the lunatic that I have become and turns around to go back in his house. I pry the dog off, drop him to the ground and run to the porch in my panties, soaking wet. And realize my keys are in my car.
I wait until I'm sure all neighbors are back in their home, run to the car, grab my purse and run back and go inside. Quincy, the yorkie who has been cooped up inside since 7 a.m. (so roughly 14 hours) is at the backdoor barking and jumping up and down because he needs to go out..badly. I go to the patio door to let him out and discover the freaking possum is back. So I get the broom, poke the possum back with it as far as I can scoot him with a broom handle (he is hissing the whole time) and say, go Quincy. He sticks one paw out, discovers it is raining and refused to go...I pick him up and chuck him outside, past the hissing possum.
At this point I am a mess. My heart is pounding a hundred miles an hour, I am dripping wet, in my underwear and ready to have a nervous breakdown. I calmly walk to my refrigerator, pour a glass of wine, down it in one sip and go take a shower.
Afterwards, I put on my pj's, go to the backdoor where Quincy is now cowering with the Huskie in the dog house, open the door slightly, call the dog who refuses to come because of the possum. I get the broom, poke the possum back far enough to get past it, grab Quincy and run back inside. Oh the lovely smell of wet dog!!
An exciting end to a wonderful weekend! Just when I think I will run out of comedy material, God always come through.....never a dull moment if I'm around.
No comments:
Post a Comment