I like browsing the dating sites. Reading the profiles and looking at the pictures people post is kinda like people watching without having to leave your home. Sometimes, even though I am not interested in someone because they are too far, or I don’t meet their “preference” I will send an email just to let them know that their profile made me laugh, or that I appreciate their honesty, or that their smile lights up the page. Always, good comments because that’s just the person I am. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I try to live by that rule.
If I were to be totally honest though and send emails to the ones that don’t make me laugh, the ones that are rude or lewd or scary or the ones that post a photo that looks like a mug shot I would spend a lot of time typing emails!
There are so many adages that talk about beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Well, that’s certainly true. Take a look at all the nice looking men or women next time you are out that are married to really homely partners. Beauty is only skin deep. Beautiful is as beautiful does.
And so on.
So what strikes me here is that there are so many men on these sights that are frankly not that nice looking that are looking for a “beautiful, attractive woman to hang out with” and you know they aren’t talking about inner beauty because they go on in their preferences to say and I quote great figure, no fatties, attracted to athletic, thin women only.” Make you hope they end up with a drop dead gorgeous total airhead or totally self absorbed b word. One guy checked his preferred body type as washboard. I don’t know about you but a washboard woman sounds kinda strange.
Its one of those things where if you are going to say I need a certain type of “body type” and you are so far from it that its funny then what makes you think you aren’t going to be eliminated from consideration for the very same thing. And what is the perimeter for the different types you get to choose from. I have checked curvy, I have checked a few extra pounds. Compared to what. What is a few. A few extra pounds means different things to different people. A few extra pounds to one co-worker means that she weight 95 instead of 90. Curvy in what regard? All over or in some places where men like curves? What if you are pear shaped. You may be athletic on top and curvy on the bottom. Maybe you should be required to draw a diagram of your shape or post your measurements in the interest of full disclosure.
I think that the entire body type should be eliminated from the site and as long as people posted current pictures, then you could draw your own conclusion. That makes more sense to me. That being said, a few of my male friends who have been on the dating sites and have told me of their experiences have had more than one meeting with someone that was so far removed from the photo they posted that they didn’t even recognize the person on the first meeting. Should have put HONESTY as one of your requirements!
Ok, so lets be realistic here. I think that taking care of yourself is important. This is why, after several years of being miserable because I wasn’t doing that I am so determined to get the weight off and be back to where I am at optimal health. The fact that I will look better is a bonus. That being said, I know women my age who are so intent on fighting the “aging” process that if you took them out in the sun you would smell plastic burning. I am not knocking cosmetic surgery. Would I have it? Probably not.
I plan to grow old gracefully like my mom. She never had plastic surgery. She wasn’t a size 2. She didn’t have smooth unlined skin. She didn’t have a year round tan. What she did have was smile lines around her mouth because she smiled most of the time. What she did have was crinkles around her eyes for the same reason. What she did have was a beauty that radiated from her so prevalently that I doubt anyone every noticed her body type.
I realize that there is this magical thing called chemistry and that when you are looking at a photo on a dating sight that sometimes the photo and the self description is all you have to go by. Everyone has their own triggers that make them think “he’s cute or he looks like a serial killer”.
My friends and I were going through the sight one day at lunchtime. It was one where you checked yes, no or maybe in reference to whether you were interested. There were several where she questioned why I immediately checked no and moved on. So I started thinking about my reasons. I started to question my own motivation. And here is what I found:
I look at the smile first. If you are frowning in your profile photo , my first thought is no. I may look at your other pics though and see if it’s a trend.
If you have gray (salt and pepper hair), I am interested…I find that very attractive. I like beards and mustaches. Not full out beards, just a little facial hair. Chest hair is a bonus but if your picture is of you without your shirt I find it kind of weird.
If there is a horse or a cowboy hat in your photo, I check no. Not that there is anything wrong with horses and cowboys but I know you aren’t my type just from that.
If your profile picture is of you lifting weights, I usually check no. I am 99% certain that your preference on body type is not gonna fit mine.
If your profile picture has a child or grandchild in it, I usually read your profile. Family is very important to me and if you are posing with yours then I know we match in that regard
If you are dressed in camo and holding a dead deer in your photo, I check no. Nothing wrong with hunters per se but simply not my type. If your picture has you with a dog then I take a second look. Unless it’s a pit bull which I don’t like.
If you have on an OU t-shirt…..automatic no If you have on an OSU t-shirt automatic yes unless you are frowning and have on a cowboy hat. Just kidding on that. I was married to an OU graduate for 18 years. I have mellowed since my days of growing up in Stillwater where its not cool to like OU.
Bald is ok. As I get older I have found that I find that more and more attractive. Much better than the comb over.
Once I get past the photo I look at the about me. Most are pretty cookie cutter. If yours has something in it that makes laugh out loud, I keep reading. I browse the interests. If dancing is one of your passions then I check no. I can’t dance, don’t want learn to dance (trust me I’ve tried and failed) and sitting at a table watching you dance doesn’t sound like fun. if sex is in your interest list, I check no. Just TMI for a profile I think. If it has the words stock car racing in your profile I dig a little deeper. Not that I don’t like stock car racing…I just envision all the burn outs and car shows and swap meets and cruise nights that I attended for 5 years only to be dumped for his cousin. I could have been attending theater and comedy clubs and concerts and exploring new places. Instead I’m clapping when someone’s tires pop and the plume of smoke is tall. “?????????????”” I still don’t get it!
I look at the religion spot. If it says none, or agnostic, or atheist its an automatic no. My faith is very important to me and I don’t really want to spend the rest of my life debating it. Some of the Christian dating sites actually ask about Church attendance. That seems a little overkill to me.
And right before I check the yes button, I look at their preferences…That is where I am usually disappointed. Distance is usually a big elimination factor. One guy checked within 25 miles of where he lived. Which happened to be Muskogee. I liked the rest of his profile and there was nothing in his preferences that I didn’t meet. So I emailed him. Now, if you email through this particular site and the person isn’t interested the site gives you some trite little responses to choose from when you reject the person….For example, you can check
In a relationship OK, there is also a button that you can put your “profile on hold”. Might want to do that until you decide if the relationship you are in is gonna work out.
Too busy at this time Again, put your profile on hold. If you are too busy and aren't interested in dating then why are you on the site???????
Too far away………..legitimate. But the guy IN MUSKOGEE actually used this one to reject my offer to communicate. AND I’M IN MUSKOGEE. My friend said maybe he only has a bike! LOL
In the interest of honesty they should put Too fat, too thin, no teeth, bad teeth, too many tattoos, not enough tattoos, ugly shirt……
So what started out as a blog on beauty has turned into a primer on understanding the dating sites.
Which is actually part of my “charm”. You never know where a conversation with me is gonna lead you. You may say “nice weather” and instead of a “yes it is” may be listening to a funny story about being caught in the rain clutching a dog to my chest in my underwear shouting at a neighbor. You may start a story about your arm falling asleep and hear the story of Grover’s paralyzed leg and throwing him in the lake to see if he would use it. You may mention your grandchild uttering their first word and hear the story about Chris choking and me asking if he could talk, before he could actually talk.
Is there a word for that? If so I’ll put it in my profile. If physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is personality. I say I’m optimistic and positive, my ex said I was delusional and unrealistic. I say I’m honest and loyal, some might say I have no game (whatever that means) and I am too nice.
I am going to let my dating site subscriptions expire. I am going to turn over my preference list, my must have and must not have list to the ultimate Matchmaker. He has someone in mind already. And it doesn’t cost a dime. May not be in my time frame but then I’m sure the old adage Anything worth having is worth the wait will apply here. After all patience is a virtue.
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