Eh?

Give me a crowd and I can make them laugh.  Ok, most crowds.  TOUGH TOUGH GIG today at the Senior Center in Okmulgee.  My boss wondered if I was heckled. I said,no that would have been an improvement because at least I would know they were alive.  Luckily,the marketer was there and she laughed.  That helped a little.

Ok so I analyzed this all the way back from Okmulgee.  My conclusion is that one of these things contributed to the fact that , ok I will say it, I bombed. 

1.        I’m not funny…..hmmmm don’t think that’s it because I’ve done this many times before and never had this result

2.       It was too close to lunch and they were focused on beating the other old people to the front of the line

3.       In spite of the microphone, they couldn’t hear me

4.       I talked too fast and they couldn’t keep up

5.        The  women were jealous because I was the youngest woman there

6.       Old people have no sense of humor

The lack of enthusiasm was not even the worst part.  Afterwards, this one little old lady came up and in a very LOUD voice said, What do you weigh?  About 230?  I said, no I don’t weigh 230—what do you weigh about 80? (reverse insult…cause old people are sensitive about their weight in the reverse…they want to weigh more so they sound healthier than they are).   She then pats my stomach area and says, you need to get rid of this if you want to get off the medications ( a reference  to my JOKE about how as you get older you get more and more medications and that I have medications for my medications…ok it’s a JOKE people).  I’m working on that I said.  Well good she said.  You probably have a better shot at getting a date AND not having a heart attack if you lose that extra fat.  Men like skinny women "she went on to say.  "You have them beating down your door, do you?" I replied.  I’m sorry but I can dish it out too.  I can be a smartass when necessary.   

And to think I was worried about insulting THEM with my “elderly  references”.  Yikes.  You think I would have learned from my traumatic Bingo experience when I filled in at a Sr. Center Bingo for one of the marketers once.  Those people were brutal.  They take that stuff seriously. First I called too fast, then I called too slow, then I wasn't loud enough, then I didn't need to yell ..we can hear you...and then when finally there was a bingo I was told the prizes I brought were total crap.  One guy flipped the table saying "where'd we get this   caller anyway?  I liked Becky better".  Took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to stuff the bingo balls down his throat.  So you can't say I wasn't forewarned.  Senior Citizens can be "cantakerous". 

Ok so all the way back to Checotah I am trying to build myself back up from having bombed and being called fat.  By Wainwright, I’m back to my cheery self.  Then I turn off to drive into Checotah to go back to work.  I get behind a contraption that you would only see in Podunk USA.   It’s an old man in a straw hat on a tractor that looks older than him (and that’s pretty old)  from which a green truck bed (yes just the bed) is being pulled with a chain.  And so I decide I have to have a picture of this.  So I turn off, go around the block and position my car so that I can take a picture as he goes by.  As he passes me he waves and the fact that he notices me rattles me and I snap the picture but totally miss the tractor.  See photo above.  So….instead of leaving well enough alone I decide to give it  another shot.  He has turned off the main road by this time (probably because driving that thing has got to be illegal) and so I go around the block, position my car once again like I’m waiting for a parade and wait.  Here he comes. Notices me again and waves and so I snap the picture but this time I miss the truck bed and just get the tractor. 

I decide that I probably should go back to work at that point.  So I’m heading back to work on a side street.  I am stopped at a stop sign and I see him a block over…So I snap the picture thinking no way he sees me this time.  And head back to work.  

I’m parked on the end of the parking spaces, turn off my car, get out and lo and behold he is coming right toward me.  Shaking his fist.  Pulls right up beside my BRIGHT YELLOW CAR and yells “What the hell are you taking my picture for?”  Only then does it dawn on me that my car is pretty noticeable and there is no way I can claim it wasn’t  me.  So I think quick and say…..I love your rig.  Its really ingenious.  And my dad has a tractor and I was taking the picture so I could show him what a GREAT IDEA you had…(total lies)He looks at me for a minute, apparently decides I am not a stalker (though I am beginning to question it myself..lol) and says “well much obliged.  Would you like to sit on it? I said no.     

Oh, and all this before 1 p.m.  Can’t wait to see what the rest of the day brings.  Tonight I have water aerobics and where chances are I will be one of the younger class members.  I am going to lay low, keep my mouth shut, and try not to tick off any little old ladies in the deep end. 

Reminds me of the time the same police officer stopped me for speeding….3 different times.  The 3^rd time he said  Ms. Byers, don’t start crying again…okay….just please go home. For the day. Ok?  I did. 

Its been that kind of day!  Probably should head straight home before someone gets hurt.