All day long today I kept thinking that there was something I was supposed to do today 10/22. Finally, I remembered that today was significant or would have been as my 28th wedding anniversary had Mike and I stayed together. 28 years ago today in a Church in Houston, TX we said our wedding vows before family and friends. And while it still makes me sad sometimes that the marriage didn’t last, the blessings that came from that union continue on. Chris and Andy obviously, our precious sons whom we are both extremely proud of but beyond that. One of my favorite people Bill Byers, my former father in law who is now in heaven came into my life through that union. My former mother in law, sister in laws, nephew and nieces…no longer connected by marriage but forever connected by memories.
So even though that sense of loss will always be there, the blessings that remain far outweigh the sadness that a marriage I expected to last forever…didn’t.
I flipped on the Cardinal/Ranger game tonight and all the baseball memories hit me. When I first met Mike I memorized all the teams and what division they were in to impress him. All I knew about baseball was what I learned from watching my little brother Robert play little league. I learned a lot in the 17 years to follow, spent many a vacation at baseball games (mostly the Cardinals), and one year attended every Tulsa Driller game they played at home because we had box seats with our names on them. That was how crazy the Byers’ were about baseball. Well Mike anyway. The boys were much more interested in the food at the game and I got scolded more than once for bringing a paperback book with me to read during a game. LOL
Andy grew up to be as big of a fanatic about baseball as his dad. Chris not so much. His interest lie more in music than in sports. I don’t watch the game anymore but a game now and then is fun. The atmosphere, the smells and the people watching are the fun part for me. Not just baseball either. Oh, I follow the OSU Cowboys football games. But I don’t schedule my Saturdays around getting to hear the game. Going to the game, well that’s a different matter and I hope to go to one again soon. Something about being surrounded by all that orange takes me back to my college days at OSU and I feel young again.
Life is a constant change. Never static. There have been so many times that I wish I could freeze the moment because its that wonderful. And there are many times that I wish Life had a rewind button so I could go back an fix a mistake I’ve made or a decision that turned out to be the wrong one. Though all in all, looking back I think every single situation I have encountered and gone through, I don’ t think I’d change many.
I’d change that my mom died. How I would have loved to have her know Juliet. She would have loved her. I wish that she were here to get to know Joe. I know she would love him. She would be the first to recognize how much he loves me and that alone would have won her over. Instead I can tell him stories of her and he can see a very sentimental side to me in my memories of her.
As I enter into a new phase of my life and marry Joe there are lots of new people that will come into my life that I look forward to knowing and loving. When I announced my engagement on facebook (that sounds funny) one of my former boyfriend’s daughter messaged me “can I still come around” . We have maintained a relationship albeit very different since the breakup and her dad’s subsequent marriage. I said in reply “absolutely!, my feelings for you will never change just because of a change in circumstances” And I meant it. Relationships are hard and people get hurt. Sometimes its easier to cut yourself off from anything that has anything to do with the person you lost. For me that is not an option. I don’t love the people I love simply because of how they are related to someone I am with. Sure it makes it a little trickier to continue to have contact when there is a breakup. But it doesn’t make sense to me to have to give up people because you have been given up.
One of my sons summed it up one day when he left me a note on the refrigerator during a particularly hard time after the divorce. It said “Andy and I love you even if dad doesn’t”. He got it! He understood. You can’t control the people who love you, but you can control who you love.
I look forward to the new phase of my life. I told Joe I hope to celebrate a 50th anniversary with him someday. Of course at 103 we probably wouldn’t remember it. But there is that elusive 25th anniversary that I am certain we will celebrate together. With kids and grandkids and grand dogs and siblings and lots of people who love us both and who want to see us make it. The naysayers, the ones we have to prove wrong will be there saying “I sure didn’t think it would last this long, they hadn’t know each other very long when they married but I underestimated the power of love. LOL
When Joe and I went to Kingfisher last week to meet my dad and Doranda (and my sister and niece and brother) I showed him the route the hearse had taken from the Nazarene Church through Kingfisher , North on Hwy 81, past the Gospel Barn my mom loved so much and back to the Highway heading south. I told him about how as the hearse we were riding in pulled on to Hwy 81 south there were still cars coming north in the procession. I will never forget that. It seemed the whole town was there to see my mother home. There were people there that day who hadn’t spoken for some reason or another, there were people there that hadn’t seen my mother in many years, my boyfriend and my ex-husband were there sharing in my sorrow. For that one day, the only thing that mattered was the woman whose life we gathered to celebrate. Love transcended all the other “stuff” that gets in our way. She would have loved that .
The older I get the more I realize the value of relationships. The more I realize that to be loved and to love is the best thing on earth. Once when I was going through a particularly tough time during the divorce, feeling pretty low, my counselor had me list everyone that I could think of that would help me if I needed it. I started listing people, first my family, then my close friends, then people that I hadn’t seen in a while but that I knew would welcome my call, co-workers, acquaintances…….when I reached 200 I stopped. She had made her point. Just because one person rejects you, just because one person stops loving you, doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.
Next time you feel alone, next time you think you are not of value, try this. If you are reading my blog you are a part of my life…put me on your list. You matter to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment