Work was a little grueling today as it has been for the last few months. When the new ownership took over it was a little unsettling on everyone and even with assurances that there would be few if any personnel changes not a day goes by that someone doesn't ask me "off the record" if we are going to be shut down. My answer is no, not just because I'm the HR person and I have to be neutral about anything I know of that is going on with the company that I might be privy too (nothing to report) but because I really don't know of anything that is going to happen.
And as usual, my frame of mind is not to spend one second worrying about things I cannot control. No one asked my opinion when the company was sold, when my boss was replaced or when they decided that Martin Luther King Day would no longer be a holiday. Its not that I don't care what happens, because I do; I like my job and I'd like to keep it. But I think that worrying about it does nothing but make me less effective, less productive and a little paranoid.
Every time a door is closed doesn't mean some dramatic change is coming down the pike. A few days ago, one of the employees called me and asked if so and so still had a job. Why wouldn't they? I asked. Well, so and so said doohickey said that one of the girls told them that you had so and so in your office with the door closed. I had to laugh. So and so was in my office with the door closed. But it was because her bra strap had broken in the back and she needed help with a safety pin. Today I closed my door for a few minutes because there was a lot of traffic in the office and I was having trouble hearing a very soft spoken vendor who had called to ask about a payment. Within 15 minutes, the rumors were circulating that something must be going on.
Many many many years ago when I worked at Sohio Petroleum and was dating Mike we were amazed at how much interest was generated by our "romance". We were very careful to act very professionally in the office, even though we were involved. I got sooooo tired of hearing about what was going on with Mike and I according to the rumor mill. One day we decided to tell 1 person something totally off the wall about us that was totally fabricated and see how long it took to get spread through out the office. I'm pretty sure we set some sort of speed gossip record because within 20 minutes I was getting condolonces about the breakup or something like that. Can't remember exactly what rumor we started. The person we had told and made promise not to say anything obviously wasted no time in telling someone and I'm sure swearing them to secrecy. Which just goes to show if you don't want something known then you should keep it to yourself because even the people that you think you can trust 100% are human. They are counting on someone that they feel they can trust 100% to keep a secret to keep a secret and so on and so on.
Now you may think it hurts no one to talk about someone, especially if you aren't ill intended in your gossip. But you never know. And I read somewhere that trying to take back something that is told is like going on top of a mountain in a wind storm, ripping open a feather pillow and then trying to find all the feathers that get spread out and put them back. It simply doesn't happen.
How many lives have been ruined, or even lost because of a mean spirited comment made and spread about someone. A few years ago, we had an employee who was very "vocal" about everything. She felt like she knew everything there was to know about everything and everyone and that it was her God given right to know everything that was going on with everyone and everything. She was amazingly good at her position which is why a lot of her overstepping and pot stirring was overlooked by management. One day, a flower arrangement came to the office for a co-worker. The card was sealed and addressed to that person, who just happened to be out of the office at the time. Lunch was in progress and in addition to the usual group of office staff who were eating there were a couple of visitors that had some connection to our office and some connection to the employee who was not present. Without a moments hesitation, the minute the flower delivery person was out of the office the PROBLEM causer employee, opened the card, read it aloud to the people who were nearby and began to laugh about the contents. With stunned silence, the rest of us looked at her and I got up an took the card from her, put it back in the envelope and told her she had gone too far. Suffice to say that the employee who was "outed" as a gay person that day did not find it amusing when people began to call her and tell her about what had happened. The house of cards fell for this person as people that had been carefully shielded from this revelation (including someone that was present that day and wasted no time calling everyone she knew) for various reasons suddenly were made aware because of one noisy and inappropriate co-worker who though the whole thing was a big joke. When she was called in to be reprimanded for it, she was not sorry. Her statement was somethng to the effect that "well everyone knew anyway". I'm sorry to say that she was not fired, not because we felt like she shouldn' t be but because the devastateded co-worker felt it would cause more problems if that happened. And so this employee was allowed to stay. The day she gave notice I rejoiced and I think everyone in the office breathed a sigh of relief that she would be gone.
Its so easy after the fact to protest that "I didn't think she'd care if I told you" or well everyone knew anyway" or whats the big deal. The point is, it may not be a big deal to you or to the people you gossip with but to the person being gossiped about it can be life changing and devastating.
How much better a world would it be if we would afford others the privacy we would want for ourselves when things aren't going as well as expected, or when something has happened that we are not ready to talk about. Though it didn't happen to me personally, I heard that a lady someone I knew worked with had learned about her son's arrest because someone had happened to be at the police station paying a ticket when they overheard the clerk on the phone talking about the "son" being booked. Before the mother even got a call from her son, or the authorities, half the company knew and were asking her about it.
Today, as I said was a pretty tough one at work. We laid off 2 employees and a third one quit. The lay offs were economically sound decisions and had nothing to do with anything but that. The employee that quit left because they were asked to fill in and help until some re-organization could be done. Simple and true. 2 let go for good reasons. 1 left because they were angry and didn' t like the situation created by the layoffs. Had all of this ocurred and tomorrow morning's staff meeting rolled around as always, the staff would have been informed of the situation. Instead, within minutes I was getting calls about us being sold, going under, being shut down, moving our offices, laying off more people and not being paid for the time we had worked this year. NONE, NONE, NONE of that was true. Some person, or several chose to put their own thoughts and opinions out there, spin a tale and spread it among the other employees. I left the office saddened by the lack of respect and the lack of decency the rumor mongers had shown. What did they think they would possibly gain by making assumptions about something that was none of their business and that had nothing to do with them personally?
All of us are guilty. A former co-worker lives not too far from me. Returning from Austin on Tuesday night late I happened to see his truck loaded with clothes and personal belongings. Instead of keeping this to myself, because truly I did not know the real situation, I told another co-worker that knew this person what I had seen and put in my 2 cents on what I bet had happened. I didn' think anything about it until today, when by a fluke (having something to do with someone calling a wrong number and this former co-worker calling our office) I had a chance to say "how are you, how are things and find out that I was right. The hurt in this person's voice about the "breakup" was obvious and my heart went out to him. It was when he said "we were gonna keep it quite until we got a chance to tell the kids" but someone at school's parent apparently saw me moving out and told their kid who told our kid and now its a mess" that I felt sickened by my casual remarks. Maybe that is what happened. Or could it be that my casual mention of what I thought the loaded truck meant and passed on to a co-worker started the chain of events that led to the kids finding out before intended. I hope not.
There is a verse in the Bible somewhere about seeing the splinter in someone's eye while having a plank unnoticed in your own. Thats how I felt today. As I was working frustrated and mad and sad and dismayed about all the rumors flying at work and trying my best to keep a positive frame of mind, I realized that I needed to be angry at myself as well. We are all humans...We are all going to find ourselves drawn into situations like that at some point in time where someone or we say did you hear about so and so? How difficult it is to walk away. How difficult to say, you know, its really not any of my business and so I'd rather not hear about it.
But thats exactly what I intend to do. In fact I have made it my New Years Resolution, although it is a few days past New Year's day to think first, speak second. To run what is about to come out of my mouth thru the filter of "how is this going to benefit the other person to hear what I am about to say" or "how is this gonna harm the person I am about to share an opinon about". I have a feeling that my conversations are going to be pretty boring but thats ok.
My own life provides enough fodder for conversation. There's always reality tv if I want to get a drama fix . Those people get paid to have people talk about them.
As I end this blog, the First United Methodith Church Youth motto comes to mind as it has before "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight".
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