In an effort to have the house looking clean and uncluttered, neutral so that potential buyers can picture their paintings on the wall, their things in the closets, I have boxed up a lot of my treasures and donated a lot of things that I might have kept had it not been in the forefront of my mind that once the house sells our plan is to drasticallly downsize, live in an RV somewhere while we look for land on which to build a cabin and start an RV park business of our own someday. So my process has been to put the things I won't part with in one place, the things I have mixed emotions about in another and the things that are pretty much just clutter in another to be donated. This process has not been without some emotional pain as I box up things I thought I'd keep forever...like a rose from my very first marriage or birthday cards from 30 or 40 years ago. Not that giving these up is hard, but the sentimental journey each item takes me on can be a sad memory or a happy memory or somewhere in between.
In my office upstairs I have broken the "realtor rule" and after it was re-painted and ready to go I did the unthinkable, putting new nail holes in the walls as I hung all sorts of things. The walls are filled now, because I didn't place things back up on the walls in the rest of the house, with photos and plaques, and my favorite wall of all....my crosses. I don't really remember when I started collecting crosses and placing them on the wall until I had a pretty good collection. And suprisingly, none of the 20 or so crosses on my wall were bought by me. Each was given to me by someone and each has a story behind it. And that is what makes them special. That and the symbol itself which recognizes my Christian faith.
The Prayer of Jabez cross given to me by a friend during that period of time when the Jabez book got so much publicity. "Enlarge my territory" part of it reads and to me that means let me reach out as far and wide as possible and share myself , my God given gifts and talents, and my faith with all I come in contact with.
The cross my sister in law Misty (Robert's wife) gave me the first Christmas she came to with Robert. She had drawn my name. And not knowing anything about me really, she bought me a beautiful cross which now hangs on my wall. It was one of my favorite all time gifts. An acknowledgement to me that she recognized that my faith was an important part of my life.
Then there's the cross on which the words Amazing Grace are written. Given to me during a particularly hard period of time in my life when I was an emotional mess but managed to stay afloat with the love of friends and family surrounding me. On the card that came with that cross in the mail, from a friend a church were the words "you have amazing grace in your trials and that witnesses to others".
The cross that is bright yellow with sunflowers on it, given to me by a co-worker who knew I loved yellow and sunflowers and crosses.
The cross on which is written "For the joy of the Lord is my strength" which was tied onto a gift I received one Christmas from Granny Jo, (my friend Cheryl Cawley Lorenz's mom). Granny Jo has been like a mother to all of my family. Cheryl's sister Shelly is married to my brother Garry so not only has she been a friend to me since 1972 when I got off the bus at Stillwater Jr. High with my smiley face t-shirt, a cornet case, cat eye glasses and a Texas accent, she's been part of my family as well.
One cross for which I don't remember the occassion of its receipt has written on the back to Elan (a nickname ) and is a bright colored cross with Mexican details on it, an obvious gift from my amazing daughter in law Juliet who has enriched my life beyond measure.
Some of the crosses are plain and some I don't remember the story behind. Some are on the dresser because they aren't made to hang on the wall, like the 3 crosses my mom had on her windowsill which now sit on mine. Or the big glass cross that is beautiful in its simplicity.
And as I sit and ponder my wall of crosses and the love behind each and every one and the gift that each was and the gift that the very symbol of the cross represents to me as a Christian, I am thankful, moved to tears that in this life journey I have so much to be grateful for, so many friends I can count on, a family that would rally around me in any circumstance, sons who love and respect me, a husband that thinks he won the lottery when he married me, a Church family who care for and pray for me. Former co-workers, not just from the last job but from jobs several years ago who still stay in touch with me and call me friend. I am blessed beyond measure.
I stand at a Cross road in my life knowing that I have the capacity to choose to let the circumstances, the uncertainty of whats to come rob me of my joy and peace or propel me into a whole new phase of my life in which the opportunities to bless and be blessed are infinite.
Let the journey begin.
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