Have you ever attempted something in your life that you simply didn't have the ability to do? I mean I suppose if I took hundreds of classes or something I might be able to find a smidgeon of ability but for the most part its simply a matter of no talent at that particular thing.
Like sewing for instance. When I was a little girl, I would sit sometimes and watch my mom sew. She had so much patience. I remember her getting frustrated sometimes at something called a "bobbin". I still have no idea what the purpose of that little tiny thing is....but for the most part, she seemed to like sewing. I would sit and wait with excitement as she finished a dress for me and had me try it on. Home made clothes in the 60's weren't looked down, rather it was cool to have clothes that were "unique". I loved going to the material store with my mom and picking out the material. I didn't have particularly good taste judging from some of the photos from that era...certainly I was a lot more adventuresome than I grew up to be. Nowadays, I like simple, plain and things that don't call attention to me.
My first experience at sewing was in 8th grade home ec. I was certain coming from a sewing mom that I would ace that part of the class. Boy, was I wrong. By the time I got through cutting out the simple skirt, sewing together the very simple 2 seam garment and hemming and making the elastic waistband, the thing would hardly fit a barbie doll, let alone me. I have no idea how or why I managed to botch up such a simple thing. When it came time for the "fashion show", to show off our creations, I had nothing to show but a mishapen, elastic coming out, unevenly hemmed tiny little skirt which earned me an F on the sewing section of Home ec. It was one of those experiences that you don't want to repeat and so I never even attempted to make a skirt or anything else again.
I attempted to hem once. Mike was going on a business trip and had to have suit. He bought one but there was no time to have it hemmed. He refused to let me duct tape his hem, or staple it which is what I did when I needed hem repair...heck the boys thought duct tape was what you used to hem clothes. So I pinned the hem for him and after calling everyone I could think of to beg them to do this favor for me, I sat down and attempted the hem. I sat down on the edge of the waterbed and drawing on my experience from home ec, began to hem. As I hemmed I would take the pins and put them in the comforter. First leg went ok until I realized I had sewed the pant leg to my pants. So I ripped that out and started again. Hours later, I though I had it done. I stood up to go and find Mike to try them on and the water in the waterbed shifted, causing the pins I had stabbed into the comforter to hit the waterbed plastic and all these tiny little leaks sprang up. Didn't realize it until I went to bed later and laid down on a wet sheet. The hem came out ok, or so I thought. In fact, if Mike had stood just the right way it would have been even and no one would have noticed. And who would have noticed that I ran out of navy thread and used brown on one leg except some really really picky person. Lucky for Mike, he arrived at his hotel early enought to have them take the pants and re-hem them.
I made a mental note to add sewing to my list of things I cannot do which already included ironing. Ironing was another thing I watched my mom do as a little girl. I would watch facinated as she took the dr. pepper bottle on which there was this weird cork thing and sprinkle water onto the fabric and then the puff of steam would come out. She loved to iron and so I reasoned would I. WRONG! The iron I now own came free with the Oreck vacumn I ordered and Juliet uses it when she comes up to visit, otherwise it would be in the goodwill pile long ago. I starched a tie once. That didn't work out so good and I remember Earl asking me what on earth made me think you could starch a tie. I figured he liked everything else starched, why not his tie. I simply never could get the hang of ironing. When I got through the item needed to be ironed to iron out all the wrinkles I had ironed in.
And then there was the button debacle. Several of Mike's shirts were missing buttons and so I went and bought buttons and took off the old buttons so I could sew on all new matching buttons on his flannel shirts. I worked diligently to make sure the buttons were sewed on firmly, wouldn't come off and I had even realized that you use the same color thread when sewing as the material so it doesn't show up. The problem was, that in my enthusiasm I forgot one key thing. The buttons cannot be sewn on randomly space, but should match up to the corresponding button hole. When Mike attempted to button the shirts later on, none of the holes matched up. So those shirts went to the cleaners to have buttons put on because I failed at buttons 101 and didn't want to attempt a do-over.
And SEW it goes. After years of attempts at even the most minor sewing taks, I gave up and turned to duct tape. I know they make that hem tape you can iron on but at the time, I didn't own an iron and duct tape requireds nothing but teeth to tear off the proper amount (because I have a scissor problem--they never are where they are supposed to be. Kinda like the hammer which is why I use a shoe).
My friend Brad and I were chatting and he told me that he hot glued his son's merit badges onto his uniform. GENIUS!! Why on earth didn't I think of that. I did attempt to sew on patches and so the boys scout uniforms always looked a. wrinkled and b. patches literally hanging by a thread. Also a funny story about how when he was in the service someone sewed the fly shut on his undershorts!! I'm saving that "idea" in case Joe makes me mad. Except I would use duct tape! LOL
When Chris was in High School and needed his band pants hemmed I did what I could at the last minute. I would've taken them to the cleaners to be hemmed but as most teenagers do, they tell you they need something at the last minute..."i forgot to tell you i told the teacher I'd bring 3 dozen cooies today" etc. Chris told me about 30 minutes before he had to be at school on the field to march that his pants were too long. Now they weren't just too long! They were ridiculously long. Made for someone about 6'4 and Chris was no where near that tall. They needed to be cut and hemmed. But of course that would have required scissors and white thread, neither of which I had. So I found the masking tape because the duct tape was gray and showed through the white pants and I masking tape is tan and didn't. It also doesn't hold nearly as well as duct tape. Off Chris went to march in the band at the first football game. I was in the stands, proud mom, to watch him do so. Now, one thing about a marching band. Its difficult to tell which kid is which unless there is only one tuba, etc. Chris was one of about 6 trombone players. As they marched across the field, my friend Jan said, there's Chris on the end. I said how can you tell? She said, well he's trailing some sort of tape off the back of his pants. Poor Chris. I took them to the cleaners the very next day.
When Andy was in 3rd grade he was in a play, I think it must've been Its a Small World because he was a chinese character. I borrowed kung fu pants from the next door neighbor. They were about 8 sizes too big and though she had said I was welcome to take them up well......as usual I improvised. With a combination of duct tape, safety pins and rolling the material up I managed to get Andy to the school kung fu pants intact and ready for the play. Thankfully, I had the foresight to have him wear a pair of sweatpants underneath. I will never forget, how can I, its on film Andy up on that stage, dancing around with the other kids and his kung fu pants falling to his ankles as the duct tape gave way and the pins failed to hold on their own. I think the audience thought it was part of the play. He pulled them up, danced around holding them up with one hand while glaring at me from the stage. I never attempted another costume after that. I think that the teacher's realized at some point that if they chose my kids for a part, they would have to make the costume themselves.
One of my friends at work had several garments that she needed repaired. Hems, buttons, etc. She didn't have time to do it herself. She asked everyone at work if they knew someone but no one did. Alterations seem to be a thing of the past. One day she was driving to a clients house and saw a sign in a yard that said "sewing done, reasonable". She stopped her car, rang the doorbell and a lady that had to be close to 90 answered. the door. My friend told her that she had been looking for someone to do some sewing for her, taking up this and that, hemming this, etc. The old lady said she was in the midst of a big job doing wedding alterations but would be happy to get to it as soon as she could if my friend would bring in the clothes. My friend didn't even ask the price because she didn't care. She was just absolutely thrilled about finding someone and not having to take the clothes to the cleaners where you had to wait forever and pay a fortune. A few weeks later I asked her about how her clothes turned out because she had never mentioned it again. She laughed and said that she had learned a lesson. Just because someone is old and looks like they can sew doesn't mean they can. She had retrieved her clothes a few days earlier. The hems were uneven and sewn by a machine with the threads on the outside. The alterations were totally botched. What needed to be let out was taken in. What needed to be taken in was let out. Totally mess. Total costly mess. She said she's pretty sure she made the little old lady's bills for the next 6 months. I asked why she didn't say something, make her fix it and she said "well I didn't want to hurt her feelings, apparently she used to be able to sew". Very sweet I thought. But if you are in Muskogee and see a sign in a yard that says "sewing done, reasonable" and a little old lady answers the door, think twice. LOL
I admit I thought about taking a class at a local sewing place just to make sure that I didn't have that talent before I crossed it totally off my list. I thought better of it though. And so, I added it to my list of things I cannot do: Dance, make jello that sets up, iron, and put scissors back in the same place twice. Sometimes we have to recognize our limitations. If at first you don't succeed, try try again is good advice. More than one person failed at something before they got it right. Like Ben Franklin for example. But I think the world and my family can survive without me learning how to sew. Its SEW not my thing.
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