TGIF

TGIF.  For many, many years I said that with the usual meaning behind it.  The work week finally to an end and ready for a couple of days off to recoup and relax.  Today as I walked Quincy, I thanked God its Friday for an entirely different reason.  I thank God that its my last Friday to be without a job.  I thank God it’s a Friday that moves Joe and I one step closer to being in Austin. 

The last few months have been a time for reflection, frustration and faith.  It has not been easy.  There have been many times I wondered what was going on.  Here I was, someone that has always worked and enjoyed it, unable to find a job.  That was a new experience for me.  And while I was grateful for the unemployment checks that kept us going financially and the state assisted insurance that kept me supplied in insulin and my other medications and ability to go to the doctor, it was not what I wanted to be doing. 

For one thing, I am energized by being around other people.  It sounds trite to say “I love people” but in my case it is absolutely true.  I enjoy moments of solitude, but hours and hours and days and days of that threatened my sanity.  I jokingly say that I began to name the squirrels, lol.  I don’t do well without someone to talk to.  Quincy and I became quite adept at communicating though sometimes I would find him in his corner and know he was thinking “this lady needs a job….my ears are weary.”  God and I had a lot of conversations over the last 9 months and I know that anyone watching out the window as I was out and about on my walks and my bike rides probably wondered who the crazy lady that was talking to the sky was.  Its always struck me as odd that we bow our heads to pray instead of lift our faces to the heavens to pray. 

Today, I am experiencing a peace of mind that feels foreign after so many months of wondering, so many months of waiting to see what would happen next.  I have a million things to accomplish in the next few days to prepare for a new job in a  new city with new people and new experiences. I have doors to close, things to wrap up and finish here and plans to make.  Yet, today as I sit typing I am experiencing the peace and calm that comes from knowing that my life is in God’s hands.  That I am being watched over and guided every step of the way in this thing we call Life.

Joe happily announced “you’re back!” when I returned from the interview last week, not knowing yet if I had gotten the position but with a restored sense of confidence and self worth knowing that the skills and experience, the talents and traits I possess are of immense value.  I had fallen into a pit of self defeat in many ways after so many frustrating attempts to secure a job.  And when I got the job offer over the phone while driving in Austin traffic trying to follow Chris and Jimmy and Andy  to the restaurant, giving Joe the thumbs up sign as I spoke, ignoring the horns and being flipped off, I was for a moment Superwoman.  I felt invincible, incredible, worthy, blessed beyond my wildest dreams. 

The tears flowed when I realized what had just transpired.  The shouts of praise and adoration rose from my soul. Unable to focus, I missed my turn and ended up at the Austin Airport terminal.  Laughingly, I asked Joe if he wanted to fly somewhere.  He had not blinked as all this transpired.  He didn’t question why I was at the airport.  I called Chris to guide me back to where I needed to be and arrived at the restaurant to share the good news with my family.  When I stepped out to call the company that just that morning on the way back from the Hospice interview had called to set up a phone interview for a position with them, I was struck by the thought that it was me for a change saying “Im not interested.  Thank you for your time.”  What a change of events that was.

The song Just in the Nick of time plays in my head every time I think of all that has happened this week. As my unemployment runs out next week, I am employed again.  As my son and daughter in law look forward to their first child, I am thrilled beyond belief that I will be there to welcome that baby into the world  and be a part of his/her life.  I am confident that the RV spot we desire will come open right when its needed to.   I am confident that arriving in Austin, Joe’s company will have just the right spot and hours for him to transfer into.  I was asked if I was nervous about the job and the move.  I can honestly say I’m not. Sometimes, you just know that something is right, that you are where you are supposed to be.  Like when I met Joe (just in the nick of time…I had decided to forego dating after a lot of bad experiences but had already committed to meeting him for coffee so I did)….like when I was checking with bankruptcy attorneys because I had just lost my job and I wasn’t sure how I was gonna make it financially (and in the nick of time my house sold after 3 long frustrating years of no interest)

Things happen for a reason and I believe that more than ever nowadays.  If I had gotten the job in Stillwater or Tulsa, I would have taken a big cut in pay and in self confidence.  I would have been tied to a place that my first grandchild didn’t live near.  Instead, my faith allowed me to weather the storm, to not give up hope knowing that even through tears of frustration there was a reason. 

Suddenly, I am looking forward to life again. The desire to do comedy has returned and I will seek out opportunities in Austin. The desire to get healthy and fit has resurfaced as I move to a phase in my life where I need to be so to keep up with that grandchild. The opportunity to work again in an environment where the job is not just a paycheck but a calling.  The opportunity to get to know my brother Jimmy and his family better after 30 something years of being separated by distance.  What fun it will be to be in a new city to explore. 

My favorite verse fulfilled…..For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and give you hope for the future.  And if you call on me, I will answer.  Jeremiah 29:13

 So many times in my life I have come to that verse for comfort and peace during times of loss and disappointment and hurt and despair.  It takes a lot of strength sometimes to let go of the hurt, the negativity, the resentment and the bitterness.  To trust in the darkness that light is just ahead.   To know that sometimes you just have to take it one day at a time and believe that your hearts desire is just around the bend and will be given to you at just the right time. 

My journey doesn’t end with this new beginning. I am sure there will be challenges ahead in my life. I’m sure that before I leave this earth I will have many more moments of asking “why did this happen or why didn’t this happen”.  I plan to use the wisdom gained, the  trust renewed, the faith strengthened and restored to navigate whatever comes my way.